Fifty Shades of KA-RAY-ZEE

I've finished the first of THOSE BOOKS and am halfway through the second one and I am shocked, ashamed AND confused to say: I'm hooked.

It's true. I'm there. And it didn't take that long. Believe it or not, there is a storyline in Fifty Shades of Grey and things are heating up in Fifty Shades Darker. And I'm not referring to the sex parts.

Nope, there's intrigue in these books. There are dark, deep-rooted, psychological issues. There are scars from a childhood so terrifying that it makes the reader angry. There is such a deep embedded sadness that the reader cannot help but shed a tear or two while reading. There's even a message of love. Not to mention these are the easiest reads I've had all summer long--you do NOT have to engage your brain to read these books.

Oh, and there's porn.

Yep. There's some explicit porn scenes in there that are so disturbing I learned quickly that reading for content is the way to go- I skim those parts and read the rest. I skim quickly. Speedy quick. It's just a little TOO raw for me. Well, most of it anyway.

There are a few phrases and words that, no matter how quickly I skim, jump out at me anyway from THOSE PARTS. And, when I hear one of those words or phrases throughout the day, my face gets hot. Yep, I blush. Not because the words or phrases themselves are bad---but because of the content in which they were used in THOSE CERTAIN PARTS of the books. Like on the news, when I hear things like:  

• "...couple handcuffed by police..."
• RAW footage
• "Here's chef....something that's always hot and tasty.."
• "When you finish, you'll know you've been worked out..." 

And the writing? UGH. The grammar is horrific what with the mixed up tenses and the sentence structure is...there is no structure to the sentences, never mind. Then there's the fact that it seems the author sat down with a Thesaurus and picked random words she thought would make her seem smart... Somewhere along the way I adjusted to it by subconsciously choosing to ignore it.

I'm pretty sure readers have to do that with every romance novel though, right?

The characters pretty much follow along the same lines as those in other romance type novels. Surprisingly (or maybe not), my two favorite characters are NOT the two main characters. My favorites are not even really characters, per se, yet I find them to be an integral part of the books. They are the main character's subconscious and her inner goddess. I've actually been caught laughing out loud and asked, "What? Porn is funny?" Nope. But Ana's subconscious and inner goddess are hilarious.

• "My inner goddess is doing the Merengue with some salsa moves."
• "My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheer-leading pom-poms shouting yes at me."
• "My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word, 'ho.' "

My favorite parts of the books are the emails between the two main characters. I do so enjoy playful banter. And their emails are full of just that. I have quite enjoyed that part of the first two books so far.

So, will I read all three books even though they are poorly written? Yes. Even though they contain porn? Yes. Even though it's a typical-ish romance novel? Yes. I have to now because I have to know how it all turns out--you know, will love conquer all, coupled with the fact that I can't stand to leave something unfinished...even a poorly written romance novel (containing porn), trilogy.

I know it's smut. I'm quite aware. But, sometimes, Henry James is just more than I care to take on.