Alone on Valentine's Day?

An empty nest can leave many of us with feelings just as empty as our nests. I've heard from moms and dads who feel useless, unloved, confused, unmotivated, depressed, and empty in their every day lives so you can imagine how these feelings tend to intensify when a holiday approaches. Many of us turn to friends or relatives who are dealing with an empty nest especially during the initial adjustment period because let's face it there is an initial adjustment period whether you're enjoying your empty nest or not. Change brings adjustment which can be easier for some than for others. I've heard from quite a few moms who say having a loving, supportive significant other has helped them tremendously but what about those of us who find ourselves for one reason or another lacking in the loving, supportive SO area? And Y'all, the numbers are higher than I thought. All this brings me to the upcoming love event known as Valentine's Day.

Let's say you're a 50-something empty nester who is suddenly facing separation or divorce or who simply finds their relationship completely lacking and feel Valentine's Day is going to intensify any feelings you have of loneliness, fear, confusion, etc. How would you deal with facing this particular holiday? If you're like me it won't be that big a deal because holidays such as Valentine's Day are those I celebrated for the kids not because I put any stock in the 'special' day. I am truly one of those people who resent being shown love on one day of the year. If you're not showing it daily, how in the world can it count on one day?

I realize I am probably in the minority here so I started thinking of ways our middle-aged, empty nest, single or just feeling alone friends who enjoy Valentine's Day could continue to enjoy Valentine's Day.

12 Ways to Enjoy Valentine's Day All by Yourself:

1. Binge watch your favorite Netflix or Hulu series. If you enjoy series binging then this is perfect for you as it will be fun and keep your mind on other things. Sometimes all we really need is a good distraction and before we know the moment or day has passed. Oh and, feel free to include indulging in your favorite snacks/desserts. 
2. Get busy. Tackle a project you've been putting off. Immerse yourself in that neglected project instead of dwelling on any negative, nonproductive thoughts. Clean that closet. Get a pile ready for donation. Organize those kitchen cabinets. Tackle the cabinet under the bathroom sink. Blare your favorite playlist and sing while you work instead of listening to that nasty little voice in your head who tries to keep you down.  
3. Gather with girls or guys ok, friends. Surely we all know others out there who are in our same feelings boat. If you realize all your friends are romantic movie involved with their SOs, do something with them during the day when they do not have relationship plans. 
4. Enjoy nature. Take yourself out, find a nature trail, take your pet if you have one, and just enjoy and appreciate nature. 
5. Love on your pet. Spend the day with your pet who loves you every single day, unconditionally. Don't have a pet but wish you did? What better day to get out to your local shelter or pet helper and adopt one?!
6. Read. Cozy up with that book you've been wanting to read. What better day to read that book than one where no one is going to interrupt you? Dive in! Have a chocolate or two and a glass of wine while you read. OR go to the library and spend a few hours there browsing and reading. I've met some of the most interesting people in the library. 
7. Treat yourself to--anything. Think of something you've been wanting to do and do it. Want a meal out? Go for it. Want to cook yourself something special? Do it. Need a spa day? Today's the day. Dying to see that new movie? Go forth, friend. If you're like me and do not enjoy being out in public or don't enjoy doing things by yourself, order in, cook for yourself, invite a friend, watch a movie on Netflix...Y'all get the idea. 
8. Get out and volunteer. Go read at a nursing home or just visit with someone who has no one. Is it a school day? Are you involved with a school now or in the past? Go read to a kindergarten class or volunteer to help in the office or take a class out to recess. Go to the hospital and volunteer to hold at risk babies. Serve at your local soup kitchen. Visit the local orphanage. Nothing helps us put things in perspective than helping others. 
9. Write it out. If you don't have a journal of some sort, this might be just the day to start one. Go buy yourself something you'd like to write in and some of your favorite pens and write it all out. Get out that frustration and that fear and the confusion. No one has to read it but you so let it flow. 
10. Attend a local function. Is there a college campus nearby offering a concert or lecture? I know a lot of you think this is crazy but lectures are intellectually stimulating and you might actually meet some interesting folks while there. 
11. The grandkids. Spend the day with them! It was all about the kids in this house when a holiday rolled around so having grandkids means that tradition will keep going.
12. Shopping! I have to admit this is something that brightens my day any day. Of course, I prefer online shopping but this might be just the day to get out there and peruse thrift stores or antique shops. You don't have to spend money. Sometimes just getting out and looking around is helpful not to mention thrift shops are great for inspiring your inner crafter. 

There are so many ways to enjoy Valentine's Day all by yourself while keeping your mind away from negative thoughts. If you start something and find those thoughts creeping in and you can't control them, try a different activity. The main thing is to keep it positive and moving forward. 

What would Y'all add to the list? 

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My Top 10 Favorite Romantic Movies

If you've known me for any amount of time, long or short, you probably know that I LOVE the old black and white movies of days long gone. Days way before my time. Movies that offer more in the field of film than pretty much anything in color has offered.

Well, with a few exceptions. Especially where romance is concerned.

I LOVE romance movies. They're so much better than the real thing. Especially if they had their start as a book. Why? Because he always says just the thing I want to hear. Eventually. And it's because that's what the character feels. Who wouldn't want that in real life?

Anyway....my list:

1. Love Affair/An Affair to Remember. 1939, 1957.  
2. While You Were Sleeping. 1995. So cute. 
3. The Shop Around the Corner, In the Good Old Summertime, and You've Got Mail. 1940, 1949, 1998. I don't care which one is on, I'm watching and enjoying it. LOVE all three and they take one spot because, remakes. :)
4. Sense and Sensibility. My favorite is the one released in 1995. I love all the actors in this one. Plus, the story... 
5. Pride and Prejudice. 2005. Mr. Darcy = Heart.Throb. 
6. Wuthering Heights. 1939. Oh, Heathcliff. 
7. The Count of Monte Cristo. 2002. I confess I have not seen the two previously made movie versions of the book. Speaking of THAT BOOK. It was wonderful. One of the best books I've ever read in my life. The movie wasn't nearly as wonderful but I did not mind watching Jim Caviezel one little bit. 
8. Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. 1991. "I would die for you." Enough said.
9. Gone with the Wind. 1939. Rhett Butler? Be still my heart. 
10. The Last of the Mohicans. 1992. Daniel Day-Lewis. Plus it was a really good love story. 

Ok, I said ten so I'm stopping. But my list could go on for at least another ten. Once I got started the titles just came rolling in. 

Are they my TOP 10? Yes, and no. It always depends on my current mood so, for today yes. Tomorrow or in 5 minutes? Maybe not. It's complicated. 

What's on your romantic movie list? 

Love Stuff

We're well into the love month. Though I've never understood why we need a month or a special day for love. Aren't we supposed to show love every day- regardless of the month or day? Right.

My whole take on the love thing varies from mood to mood. For instance, when I watch love themed movies I go between sobbing and going all sappy to being quite cynical. It all just depends. Of course, there are those movies that make me sob and get sappy regardless of my mood, like P.S. I Love You. Who doesn't cry during that movie?

But then there's Love Story which is the dumbest movie I've EVER seen in my life and contains the worse line EVER in a movie- "Love means never having to say you're sorry." BS Jennifer. It does NOT mean that and you are stupid for even saying it.

I'm the same way about pet names. I think they're cute or stupid- depending on my mood. There are, however, certain pet names that I find stupid regardless of my mood. Names like Sugar Lips. Poopsy Doodles. Lover Doll. What does that even mean? That she/he reminds someone of a blow-up doll? Ew.

I'm not much of a fan of love songs. Though I do really like At Last (Etta could sing a song, couldn't she?) and I enjoy Percy singing out When a Man Loves a Woman. I have no idea what the lyrics are in I Will Always Love You but Whitney could belt that one out like nobody else. Oh, and I secretly do like I Got You Babe.

What about love phrases? Like "I would die for you?" How utterly stupid. Unless, of course, it's spoken by Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Then it's perfectly wonderful. But "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is NEVER wonderful. It's never even ok. Or tolerable.

How about love poems? You know, the roses are red ones? I like the funny ones---

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My mama told me
To stay away from you.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Make mine a double
If I have to spend time with you.

I like a lot of love poems written by those who understood it deeply or were deeply cut by it- Plath, Neruda, Shelley, Tennyson, Poe, the Brownings and so many more. I can't even pick a favorite. There  are just too many. But I mostly appreciate these when someone reads them to me. There's a certain seductiveness in poetry reading. When the right person is doing the reading.

One of my favorite quotes about love is from one of  my favorite authors,Victor Hugo- "How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said."

And then there is THE day. THE love day. When  we're supposed to go out and buy cards and flowers and candy and whatever else we up with. I'm all set with Valentines for  my students. And I'm nearly finished with the homemade ones for the lovelies.

The husband and I don't  usually pay much attention to the day. He always brought home candy for the lovelies and me. I asked him  for YEARS to stop bringing me candy before he finally stopped. Then he started bringing me a house plant every year (because his mother loved plants- problem is, I don't). And it took me YEARS more to get him to stop doing that. Now he brings home outdoor plants.

Ha. And Sheldon thinks HE has issues with gifting. 

It's really quite simple.Just take the time to know those to whom you are giving a gift. Maybe that's why some people  fall short on gift-giving. For me, a huge part of loving someone is taking the time to know them.

Anyway, the LOVE month is here. Do you celebrate?

School Valentines

Valentine's Day is coming up soon. At school, the hallways and classrooms are blossoming with hearts and cupids and all things Valentines-y. Did you take those little Valentine's cards to school when you were growing up? Like these--

 My favorites were the teacher cards. Like this one:

And I have no idea why. Other than I was a suck-up. Or a geek. Probably a little of both. 

Did you make those big envelopes to put your Valentines in out of the long construction paper, decorate and tape it to the front of your desk? You just folded a long sheet of white construction paper to within 2 or 3 inches from the top, staple up the sides and write your name on the space at the top.

And then you hoped you would get Valentine's cards.

Because students were not required to give them to everyone in the class. Well, most students weren't. I was required to give one to everyone in my class because my mother said so. And I didn't mind. Until I realized that there was a kid or two who didn't give me one. That sucked.

As the lovelies were growing up, class lists were sent home with the message that your child must either send a Valentine for each of his/her classmates or not send in any at all.

Their receptacles depended on the teacher they had. Some made the envelopes some decorated shoe boxes some covered and decorated cereal boxes and so on.

The Valentine's themselves changed. You could still get those little ones that you stuffed inside those little envelopes that always ripped because they were made of such cheap thin paper. But now, we were sticking a lolly or a heart shaped chocolate to them. OR buying the little candy boxes or the Fun Dip.

And then there were the parties at the end of the school day because, let's face it, they weren't getting enough sugar from the Valentines their friends gave them. We didn't have those parties when I was in school. I guess they didn't want us to have sugar at all. Maybe teachers were smarter back then. Students on a sugar high are a challenge.

I give out Valentine's cards to my intervention groups, my morning monitors and my 5th grade helpers. If I gave one to every student I have, well, that would be close to 600 Valentines. NOT going to happen. I give out 24. That's enough. I don't give them out in front of everyone. They get them only when they are in the lab.

This year, they're getting these:

I give the candy out before sending the students back to their classrooms. Because I'm smart too. 
 
What do you remember about school Valentines?

Meet Me On Monday, etc.

Happy Valentine's Day!  Looking for a way to make today even more enjoyable?  Hop on over to Java's Meet Me On Monday at Never Growing Old and join in some Monday fun!  Following the questions I have a gift to pass on and an award!  Here we go!

Questions:

1.  Did you get any Valentine's Gifts?  Yep.  I am not a Valentine's Day enthusiast.  I don't like getting flowers because I hate that people grow them just to kill them.  I love chocolate but am trying not to eat it.  I don't agree with giving the greeting card companies money for occasions such as this.  Yes, I'm a smidgey bit cynical but it really boils down to the fact that I just have my own opinions about things.  Hubs knows this and does not have a problem with it.  He usually brings home a LIVING flowering plant (this year it's tulips) to either be planted outside or to stay inside (but NOT cut flowers) with a poem that he has written.  Sometimes he will write a song and play it for me on his Dobro.  I like these gifts much better anyway.  And I will have him his favorite supper, bottle of wine and candle light.

2.  What is your favorite topping on something toasted?  Butter and honey!

3.  Do you pick out your outfit the night before? Absolutely.  I am NOT a morning person and do not want to be bothered with such things when I get up.

4.  What food item do you absolutely despise?  Without question- LIVER.

 SO COMPLETELY DISGUSTING I WON'T EVEN PUT A PICTURE UP

5.  Righty or lefty?  Lefty and proud of it!  LOL  None of our daughters ended up being left-handed and Hubs isn't either.  Oh well everyone can't be perfect....LOL!

And now here's the gift I'm passing on via The Blogger Formerly Known As The enigmatic, masked blogger as a THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH  to everyone who reads my blog- so, if you are here, take this gift and pass it on to your lovely readers if you'd like (no flowers were murdered for this gift; no calories are involved; and the greeting card companies won't make any money from it...LOL):

The next thing I want y'all to pick up is the Stylish Blogger Award given to me by a blogger who has a piece of fiction going on at her blog that intrigued me from the beginning!  You can check it out at:  The Blogger Formerly Known As The enigmatic, masked blogger

Since I have already answered Java's questions, I won't try to come up with the seven things about me- but I do want anyone who passes by today who hasn't received this award before to take it!

The rules for accepting are:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave the award
2. State seven things about yourself
3. Pass the award on to 15 recently discovered great bloggers