What Boomerang Kids Do To Your Waistline

Plain and simple: they destroy it. Yep. They move back home and do all sorts of things that annoy their parents from day one. But that's an adjustment period that you hope, with all you have, you'll survive without killing someone. Or yourself.

Not that it's all bad. Some of y'all have read my previous posts about my boomerganers. There's always more good than annoying. Even though it might not seem that way some days. But there is almost always humor to be found in the nest whether it's empty or busting at the seams. There are also some things that bother us more than others. Hence, this post.

The thing that has suffered the most is my waistline. Well, what used to be a waistline. Empty Nesters who let the kids move back into the house must remember several things:

• We do not have the metabolism we once had.
• We cannot sit in front of the television or with a book every day without expanding our physical selves.
• We cannot eat fast food as often as our adult kids can without gaining multiple pounds. Like, double digit pounds.
• We cannot put off walking or exercise of any sort and expect our waistlines to stay the same.
• We do not need to respond in the affirmative when our kids ask if we would like anything from Nothing Bundt Cakes.
• We do not need to respond in the affirmative when asked if we would like a milkshake.
• When asked if we need anything while they're out, we need to say, no instead of giving them a list with chips, dip, and ice cream on said list. Or maybe wee need to forbid them to bring anything in the house from the grocery store.

Yes, my boomerang kid has ruined my waistline. And there's nothing to be done about it until she moves back out. I just hope I'm not bigger than the side of that proverbial barn before that happens. 

Has your waistline been sabotaged by a boomeranger? ;)


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The First 10 Things You Notice When Boomerang Kids Come Home

Ok, y'all, here's the re-post of part 3 of my Boomerang Kids posts from last year. I have to say, I still agree with these.

Almost immediately after your empty nest is stormed trooped by someone returning to the nest, there are immediate, noticeable, annoying, eye-opening changes that occur. You learned things about your all-grown-up kiddos that you could very well have lived the rest of your life without knowing. On the flip side, you also learn things about them that make you feel all puffed up with pride.

What are the immediate notices? I've picked my top ten and, this time around, I've added the flip side because it's not all annoying. Haha!

You will notice immediately that:

1. Your child has experienced a dramatic loss of hearing while they were out in the world on their own. You know this is true because the television blares at a volume level that never falls below WTF!. Which is about 10 places above the WTH! level. THE FLIP SIDE: You discover it is BIG FUN to watch movies and shows with your adult kiddos because the commentary is HILARIOUS!

2. Your child had a maid come in while they were living on their own. You know this is true because they never pick up anything in their rooms. They never clean their bathroom. Everything is left for the maid. I had no idea my child was making that kind of money. THE FLIP SIDE: There is no flip side. Messy is messy and I don't like it.

3. Your child still expects you to be in charge of the cooking. And grocery shopping. And cleaning up after the cooking. Oh, and paying for the groceries. THE FLIP SIDE: The dinner table becomes fun again with the telling of tales, the sharing of your day and opinions on current events, and much, much laughter.

4. No one has a stress level except you. Messes, loud noises, people sitting around while you're working yourself to death to get everything done---only bothers you. THE FLIP SIDE: If they stay long enough (which they will) you can, actually, find things that bother them and give as good as you get. Ha! But seriously, sometimes this is nothing more than people waiting to be asked to help out. I know when I ask, they are more than willing. You may not feel you should HAVE to ask but, if that's all it takes, just do it. Moms tend to be mind readers. Husbands and kids, not so much. ASK.

5. Unexpected guests will arrive any time of the day or night and yes that includes while you are sitting in your nightgown trying to watch something on television or reading a book. THE FLIP SIDE: Any amount of modesty you may have possessed disappears and you get to know your adult kids' adult friends.

6. There are ALWAYS clothes in the washer and dryer and THEY ARE NEVER YOURS because you do your laundry normal time while they let clothes sit there for a few days which results in some interesting odors from the washing machine. THE FLIP SIDE: They do their own laundry!

7. The sink, no matter how many times you wash those dishes, is never empty. NEVER. Although it's never as full as it could be since most of your bowls and eating utensils mysteriously disappear. THE FLIP SIDE: Ummm...ahhhh....I'll have to get back to you on this one.

8. This adjustment period is going to take way longer than adjusting to the empty nest. Which you miss like crazy. You dream about that empty nest, you long for it and you may even begin resenting those who still have one and consider how you could send your boomerangers to their house to live. THE FLIP SIDE: The amount of laughter you experience on a daily basis far outweighs the longing for the nest to empty again. Most of the time.

9. You are caught up on all the current young adult lingo. THE FLIP SIDE: I was teaching when my kiddos moved back in and this made me super cool with my elementary students. Plus, you get to feel cool all on your own because you know what the young folks are talking about instead of sitting there wondering whether they have learned a brand new foreign language the likes of which you've never heard.

10. Their level of selfishness seems OFF THE CHARTS nearly every day. You feel as though they have little to no respect for you or your home. THE FLIP SIDE: They will suddenly and often do something that makes you realize the do understand respect and that they do accept responsibility; that they show compassion and love to everyone; and that they are the strong, independent, intelligent women you hoped they would be. (Only speaking for daughters here because I have 4. And zero sons. Moms of sons, please share!)

No matter what, you cannot bring yourself to kick your boomerang kids to the curb. But you do think seriously about moving out yourself. To a small house. Too small for more than one. Just remember these things:

• No matter where your mom is, that is home and kids love their moms almost as much as we love them.
• Your way is your way and their way is their way. Neither is right or wrong, just different.  
• As with everything in life, you just have to laugh your way through it. And realize it's nice to laugh together. 
• AND, they will go to your favorite coffee shop and bring you that caramel latte with the extra shot of espresso any time you want it. 

What are your experiences with boomerang kids? 

A Message to Boomerang Kids

This is the first of a series of posts about boomerang kids hitting the blog this month. Some are re-posts but all have been updated because now I have YEARS of experience with this.

Today's post is a repost from last year around this time but I believe the message is still relevant. Plus, I accidentally deleted it when trying to re-post and was able to get it back to copy and paste so, here you go. LOL

Y'all know what a boomerang kid is, right? They are the ones who move back into your house after they've been out on their own for a long or short period of time. Regardless of how long they've been out, it was, most likely, long enough for the parents to have gotten quite used to the peace, quiet and calm that comes with an empty nest. Sure, at the beginning, it may have been difficult for the parents. This is especially true, it seems, of parents with only one child or those who were more involved in their children's' lives than their own. I was one of the latter types and it did take me a while to adjust to the empty nest situation. But, as soon as I came to cherish my empty nest, they started coming back. In full force. This is the current situation at my house and, after nearly three years of this nonsense, I have a message to those adult children who move back in with their parents.

Dear Boomerangers,

I am the mother of four lovely, all grown up daughters, two of whom have moved back home. Living in this situation, I have learned much about myself and these adult children that I'd like to share. No, this is not a lecture. But it is a message to let you know that while we do understand your position, it's only fair that you understand and respect ours.

First, let me say we get that this is not an ideal situation for either party. You should know that we do not see you as failures, even if you see yourselves like that. We get that you think it sucks to have to move back in with your parents as an adult. We think it sucks too. But we don't think you suck. We know that stuff happens out in the world and that, especially in today's world, that 'stuff', happens more and more frequently and harshly. Regardless of what brings you home, we will welcome you, without judgment or second thought, with open arms. Parents do not, cannot, stop loving their children simply because said children have become adults. It does not work that way.

We realize that you might need a minute to get back on your feet or get your life together or recover from an injury or whatever else might bring you to our doorstep. We will give you time to do that. Of course, it is nice to see you motivating towards that goal. Becoming complacent and having the expectation that it is OUR job to support you financially as well as in all other areas well, that is not going to fly.

When you (anyone-whether a child moves in with a parent or a parent moves in with a child) move in with others, regardless of who those 'others' are, it is your responsibility to make adjustments. Yes, this holds true no matter what reason causes you to move into someone's home. I do not think it's a good idea to expect your parents to make all the changes (nor should parents moving in with adult children expect this of their children.)

In all likelihood, your parents have begun to make some home improvements that they didn't have time to make, or the funds when you were growing up. In our case, I had just finished redecorating one bedroom and was working on the second when the first daughter moved back home. Once the second daughter came back, that was the end of the remodeling ideas and the redecorating. Suddenly, I was thrust back into living in close quarters with others. Not a big deal. These things can work out. But only IF both parties work towards that goal.

The empty nest parent/boomerang kid relationship is a different one. Mostly, what our boomerang kids need is temporary shelter from the storms that life has thrown their way. Mothering is something we did while our kids were growing up. That is not something we should have to do when our children reach adulthood.

All that being said, here are a few tips for the boomerangers:

• Keep in mind that this is the time of life for your parent (or parents) to start gearing down. A time to rediscover themselves in their roles as post-parent. When you reenter the home, yours is not the only apple cart that is overturned.
• While the situation is not ideal for all, it can work out just fine if ALL involved work together. 
• It is vital that you contribute, in a positive way, to the family dynamic. One way to do this is to carry your weight. Making the assumption that your parents are responsible for you, in the same manner they were while you were growing up, can cause tension. Clean up after yourself; do your laundry; if you can't pay for groceries, offer to shop; run errands; take out the trash; share in the cooking. Sitting around expecting to be waited on is not contributing to anything other than discord. Your parents have taken you in, show your appreciation.
• Be considerate. When you want to have someone over, give your parent advance notice. Most of us do not appreciate being caught by surprise in our nightgown. 
• Respect the ground rules. Here, my daughters are supposed to keep their rooms and bathroom clean, do their laundry, lock the door when they leave and clean up after themselves in general. They come and go as they please because they're adults.
• Be mindful. If you come in late and blare the television when you mother is sleeping because she has to get up early to teach, your mother is not going to be happy. Nor will she feel respected. Seriously, one day you will reach a certain age and have trouble falling back asleep once awakened. *It's not that you come in late, it's the noise.
• Keep in mind that your parents have put all their plans on hold so that you could move back.
• Do not demand anything from your parents.

And, of course, a few tips for the parents:

• Remember that your children are now adults and respect that. No condescending tone of voice, please.
• Be supportive but offer solicited advice only. No one appreciates unsolicited advice. 
• Do not hesitate to set down some ground rules.
• You are not the maid. 
• You are not the cook. (Unless you want to be.)
• Work with your spouse as a team instead of trying to hoodwink her behind her back (yes, I speak from experience, sadly.) 
• You should not feel like a visitor (or prisoner) in your own home.
• Try to see the good and positive about having adult children living with you. No matter how hard it may be. 
• Do not go out of your way to make the living situation too comfortable. You do want them to move back out. Quickly. 

If I condensed this into a single statement, I would say: Join forces and work together to make the best of your time together because, when you do, you just might find out that this is one of the greatest gifts you've ever received.

Having boomerang kids has not been easy. All everyone here wants to say is that it isn't ideal for anyone but no one wants to step up and make life as easy as it can be for everyone. This has taken a stressful situation and made it all that much worse. My hope is that y'all can benefit from my experience that will help keep your experience more positive should your adult kids come back home some day.

Resentment is a difficult feeling to overcome.

What have y'all experienced in this situation? Any advice?

UPDATE: Since the first posting, Lovely4 has moved back out and is not only enjoying her independence but she is also enjoying teaching first grade at the very same elementary school she and her sisters (and their dad) attended! Her first-grade teachers (they team taught back then) are both still there and they are having a ball!

Boomerang Kids, Part 4: When a Rhythm is Found

All in all, I've been just ok with having two daughters move back into the nest. It was a rude awakening at first and ground rules were broken almost from the first week that the first daughter moved back.

However, a rhythm can be found and, once that happens, life does get happier. Be forewarned, it takes time. We are in our second year and the rhythm is still less than 8 months old. It's not that I am getting my way so everyone is more relaxed. Because I'm not. I still have to let things go. But I don't mind so much now that the first one back (DoodleBug) and I have found a rhythm.

It was heading in that general direction but the rhythmic pattern picked up great speeds once the second daughter moved back in 4 months ago.

Now, I'm not the only one who washes dishes. I'm not hauling in the groceries all by myself (well, not every time). On some of the days that DoodleBug doesn't work, I have walked into a house that has been straightened up and vacuumed. If things are left out, I'm not the only one putting them away. I am not in the tidy boat all alone anymore.

And that is HUGE. It takes my stress level WAY down. While I don't like having to let things go, I find that even doing that is easier just knowing that one other person in the house 'gets it' and has stepped up to the plate.

No, it's not all fun and games. I am still the person who likes to have a clean house. I don't mind the ocassional clutter, but dirty and I are mortal enemies. So, entering their rooms to collect dirty dishes brings on an actual panic attack. Their dad has to go in and get the dirty dishes, cups and utentsils and the trash. But findng the rhythm is still helpful.

The solution is going to be hiring a maid. I'm just going to have to do this because I care about my health enough to not have panic attacks. And, truthfully, I think this will keep us headed in the direction of less stress. Maybe even harmony. Which will be nice.

So, yes, having boomerang kids is not easy. But a rhythm will be found and you will, at least, be able to enjoy some of the parts of having them living with you. Again. And that rhythm will also help you to fully enjoy the parts that are most fun- the laughing, watching movies together, talking, learning who your kids are as adults...

Boomerang kids are not the easiest adjustments. But they certainly are worth the effort.