The Fault Lies Within

Wow. This school year feels like a whirlwind that should be over by now. And it's only been one month. Well, one month and two days but, still. It's been crazy busy.

I'm not sure what my expectations of the year were but I am sure that having expectations of anyone or anything can easily, and will assuredly, mess you up. Big time.

How do I know this? Because I am the QUEEN of Expectations. Even though I know that having expectations is asking for trouble-disappointment-heartache and is completely selfish and just a STUPID thing to do, I will go ahead and have them anyway. Big ones. Ginormous ones. Every freaking day. Are you kidding me?

If I truly and honestly look at every situation or person that renders me angry or sad, I can find the expectations I set in place for that situation or person were not met. I should really be angry with myself for setting the expectations to begin with. What an idiotic thing to do.

And yet, at my ripe old age, I still find myself, inadvertently (or, force of habit), putting my expectations on others. Which means that I live in a constant state of unhappiness. Did you know that a constant state of unhappiness can lead to depression?

Things are simply not going to always go our way. People are not going to be who we want them to be nor do what we want them to do. And, truthfully, why should they? They are busy being themselves. Which is exactly what they are supposed to do.

But what if we are willing to do those things for others? Doesn't that count? Nope. Not even a little bit. The things we do are the things we do because of who we are. And everyone is different. We can find others who act and feel similar to us but not everything about us will be identical. Just a few similarities.

My expectations are set according to what I want others to do. How is it not obvious that this will only result in disappointment? Or how does that knowledge not stop me from having expectations? There are those from whom I expect nothing because, after years of disappointment, I know not to expect anything from them. Perhaps I would think more of those folks had I not had any expectations of them in the first place. Not that I'd be any closer to them, but...

I believe I'll be much better off not having any expectations of others. Expecting certain things of myself are fine. But not of others. We have to be careful of this too, however. If we set unrealistic expectations of ourselves, we will be in the same sad boat as we do when we set them for others. Expecting myself to be at work unless I'm sick is one thing but, expecting myself to be something I am not, would cause harm.

No matter what our excuse is for having expectations, they cannot be justified. This leads to more trouble than it's worth. That said, my days of having expectations are limited. I'm about to put a stop to this foolishness.

I'm sick and tired of disappointment. Especially when it's brought on by my own stupidity.