We All Have Worth

How often do the words we speak and the actions we show devalue another person be it inadvertently or not? Human beings can do more lasting damage with our words than almost anything else at our disposal. We open our mouths and before we know it we've made someone feel useless. undesirable, unworthy of our time or effort, like less than human, like they have no meaning and bring nothing to this life.

It happens every day from the highest positions of power in our country to the everyday life of a small child. Many of us do not stop to think before we open our big fat mouths, do we? The simplest word can make someone else feel devalued. Sometimes it's on purpose, sometimes it's to make ourselves feel better or bigger, sometimes it's an accident. Does it really matter why? No, because once it's out there, you cannot take it back. The damage is done immediately and deeply and usually, it lasts a lifetime.

Making others feel unworthy can be done using our body language or tone of voice. I can some words that aren't damaging to someone but said with a nasty tone of voice, it becomes obvious the words are not truthful. The tone sinks the heart of the listener and trust becomes an issue.

What can we do to put forth a concerted effort not to make others feel unworthy? (STOP timer but I'm going on)

1. Be a student of others. Take the time to get to know the people in our lives. Just taking the time to do this makes them feel valued, wanted, worthy. 
2. Develop a heart of kindness. I know quite a few kind people and I have yet to hear an unkind, devaluing word uttered from their mouths.
3. Spend time with the people in your life. Let them know they are worthy of your time and effort. That they have someone on whom they can depend to listen and share and laugh and love. 
4. Keep a close watch on our mouths. When we take the time to know others around us we must be careful not to use what we know against them. 
5. Do not fall into the 'he said it to me so I'll say it to him' trap. If someone else chooses to try and devalue you, that does not mean you need to give it back to them. Rise above, y'all. Don't fight back and kill them with kindness are good ideas. 
6.  Don't sit back and watch someone devalue another person. Step in and step up. Coming to the defense of the one being devalued doesn't mean we have to stoop to a lower level. We can do it with determination and firmness and it will make a huge difference to the one being devalued. They will realize they do have worth. 
7. Don't believe your worth is dependent on the views of others. It really does not matter what others think. We are worthy, we have value on our own not because we are or do what someone else wants us to be or do (it has taken me three decades to realize this). If you are in a toxic relationship, get out. If you cannot find a way out, seek help.  
8. Do not make assumptions. Remember, we do not know the whole story and assuming we do can lead to all sorts of wrong words and actions. Don't assume everyone will ask for help. Some people do not feel worthy of help or are embarrassed to ask for it. 
9. Do not be afraid to ask if someone needs help. People have caused great harm to themselves because no one bothered to ask a simple question. 
10. Care more about others than we do about ourselves. Or at least care as much. It seems the people who care more about others than they do about themselves are surrounded by people who care equally about them. It's much more healthy to build one another up than to try and destroy their feelings of worth. 

Some of us live with people who devalue us for decades and survive. Others are not so lucky. Let's keep an eye out for these souls in an effort to reach out and offer help. 

This post is linked to Five Minute Friday where we write for five minutes about the prompt without stopping.

The prompt this week is WORTH.

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How to Help

Yes, I'm actually going to explain how to help someone. Why? Because it seems there are folks who just don't understand how to help other people.

I remember a time when several of us were in Grandmother's kitchen helping out with preparing the food for our family reunion and my aunt commented that I was not slicing the bananas like Grandmother does for the banana pudding. Why in the world does it matter? Because, according to my aunt, when you're helping someone you at least try to do it the way they like it done. Ok, got it.

Some may think that's overkill, that the person being helped should just appreciate someone wanting to help out but I tend to agree with my aunt. In my family, if you're going to help you do what needs to be done and you do it as close to the way the person you're helping does it. Especially if the person you're helping needs help because they can't do it anymore. They still enjoy watching you do it and I think it makes them feel a part of themselves is with you.

Do y'all recall a story about two boys helping their mother who was not feeling well? The mother needed them to do a few things for her- run an errand, complete a couple of chores-- nothing big but things helpful to her at that time. The older son ran off to run the errand while the younger one sat down to draw his mother a picture. He loved art and drawing and he was not a fan of chores ( who is?) I can't remember what, exactly, transpired when the boys returned to their mother's side, one with items from the errand and the other with a picture but it was something along the lines of the mother loving the picture but kindly explaining how that was not helping.

Was drawing a picture all the little boy was able to do? No. If that had been the case, the mother would have asked him to draw her a picture. It was what he decided his mother needed. And he decided it because he didn't want to do the chore.

I completely understand this mother's point of view. If we are going to help someone we need to know what it is they need us to do and that's the thing we should do for them. It's just not helping if we choose what to do for someone. It's like needing someone to wash the dishes while you're sick but they decide you need them to bring you chocolates. That's not helping. That's bringing someone a gift.

If we don't want to risk being asked to do something we don't want to do, we shouldn't bother asking what someone needs. Nor is ok for us to decide what the person needs. We have no idea what others need until they tell us and what they tell us is what we should do. Otherwise, it's just not helping.

I see this when people give to the less fortunate. Givers tend to give what they think the 'less fortunate' need instead of finding out what they really do need. This kind of giving is for making the givers feel good about themselves, not helping people who are down on their luck.  These givers assume (there's that word) they know what others need based on their own lives, not on the lives of those who have less.

I know a lot of folks around here who have less and are way happier than people give them credit for being. The things they need aren't second-hand crap that needs to be disposed of instead of given to them. How is giving the clothing stain and tattered going to help anyone? Unless they need rags to clean with, it's not. It's not going to make them feel very good about themselves which may already be an issue.

When we offer to help, we need to keep our thoughts out of it. We ask and we do based on what is needed not what we want to do or give. If we have something in mind, that' s a gift and it's lovely but it's not helping. There is a difference.

What do y'all think about helping?

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