Holding On To Christmas

I tried to hold on to Christmas this year, I truly did. As soon as I felt time speeding away from me, I mentally told it to slow down. I savored. I enjoyed. I talked and listened and cooked and ate and cleaned and started over again and laughed til I cried all the while begging and even willing time to slow down. I did not want Christmas to come and go. I just wanted it to stay because when Christmas is here everything but the happy goes away for a few glorious moments and we don't have to worry about anything or miss anyone. We just stay in the Christmas moment which really is the most wonderful time of the year. Even without snow.

I took my time wrapping presents. I carefully and slowly prepared meals and Christmas goodies. I hung the ornaments on the tree with care in slow motion. I thought carefully about each gift and the recipients. I thoughtfully put together a daughter gift that took hours and hours. I forced myself not to wish the days away before the arrival of NashvilleDaughter and DrummerBoy.

I slowed down the opening of the presents as much as they'd let me which really turned out to be not much. I slowed down the eating of the Christmas feast which they didn't argue about much because this is a family who loves to eat. I slowed down the watching of the Christmas movies but they took away the remote. Time marched on and on and on.

I sat and watched the faces of my precious grandbabies. I held them and cuddled them. I laughed at their delightful merriment. I watched them unwrap gifts by pulling one tiny strip of paper at a time without trying to rush them. I watched very young cousins share hugs and kisses. And play hide-and-seek. And I delighted in their amazement.

I barely contained myself at the hilarity of all 4 sisters under our family roof with their SOs. I took picture after picture after picture after picture. I listened to their grown-up stories and shared my own. I watched with pride as they showed how much they love each other and as they doted on their niece/daughter and nephew/son.

No matter how hard I tried, Christmas came and went but not without a few lessons.

A few notes about an empty nest Christmas:

• When giving a toddler a little kid's tablet (yes, we did this because she has figured out how to get into our phones and between missing a few things and calling people it's just going to be better this way and also yes, we will limit her screen time in a big way and one more yes, I realize she loves it because we're all on our stupid phones way too much but she does need to be tech savvy to compete/survive these days so...the debate continues) please make sure it's already turned on and on the home page because the sounds a toddler makes when she can't have it RIGHT NOW are ear piercing. Toddlers know how to throw conniption fits. As a matter of fact, they may have created the very first one.  

• When you have all your grown up kiddos and their SOs (minus one who was visiting his fam because who doesn't want to be with family during the holidays and they aren't married anyway so...) under your roof for the holidays, watching them interact together and being truly terrific at being aunts/uncles and mommies/daddies your heart will nearly burst from all the feels so learned to control the teary eyes or use the allergy excuse and have tissue on hand. 

• No matter how hard you try to hold onto Christmas it will do you like all the other days of the year and pass by at the speed of light or sound, which onen is faster? Anyway, enjoy every single precious moment even though you know it will end because it will leave some of the most wonderful memories behind and you certainly don't want to miss those. 

• Share the job of photographer. If you're stuck behind the camera the whole time you'll miss too much so take turns passing the camera around and passing it around almost assures you you'll see something later you missed during. Also, at some point just put it down and enjoy watching.

• If you give your grown up kiddos a sentimental gift, have another box of tissues on hand. 

• Prepare to be overwhelmed with laughter and love, Y'all. There is just no other way to say it. Oh and don't worry about taking pictures of the food if you forget. That's not the most important thingh even though it is delicious! And you do save yourself from the judgement of people wondering if your whole family is made up of gluttons. 

• Try as you might, you won't be able to stop Christmas from being over but we can hold that feeling in our hearts and show it in our actions throughout the new year and that, friends, is what Christmas is all about. 

Wishing Y'all love and peace through the new year 

and a happiness that is more than you ever hoped! 

When You Find Yourself Alone for the Holidays

We're always talking about being grateful at Thanksgiving which may have something to do with the reminder in its very name, THANKSgiving. Who isn't going to remember to be grateful when the word 'thanks' is part of the holiday?

I am getting better at remembering to be grateful on an almost daily basis. I've tried the thankful journals but I can't seem to get them to continue after a couple months. I forget to write down my gratefuls for the day after that but I do remember to mention them in my mind and that counts, right? I mean, as long as we're aware of our thankfuls, we don't' really have to write them down. I think.

Sometimes it feels as though life is trying to steal our joy and take our focus off our thankfuls which really means we can't see our thankfuls or feel the feels because all we're focused on are the reasons the holidays aren't going to be the way they've been in the past. As I continue to read posts on that Empty Nesters Facebook group I realize some Empty Nesters are having trouble finding their Christmas gratefuls. I suppose I would, too if I found myself home alone for the holidays while my family members were out celebrating with other families or if they lived so far away coming home just wasn't in the cards. But Y'all, we have to find some way to have a grateful heart even though...

I know for most of us the most important people in our lives are our families, especially our children no matter how old they are and being without them certainly can put a damper on our holiday celebrations.

And what if all that is coupled by not wanting to intrude on the celebrations of friends' families? Not having a church or some other social group? Not having a SO? No pet? Just us. Alone. There are folks out there who are finding themselves alone during the holidays. Instead of being overtaken by sadness, surely there are ways to combat being alone for the holidays. I do not have firsthand knowledge of this and I hope I never do but should it happen---

Here's what I hope I would do should I ever find myself alone during the holidays:

1. Put on that Christmas music, watch those Christmas movies, and get those decorations up anyway. If you've always decorated for Christmas, now is not the time to stop. Simplify if you'd like but not decorating won't help. You've enjoyed your decorations all those years before, enjoy them now. Take on a new appreciation. Get some new ornaments. Just decorate. AND THEN order something for yourself and have it delivered gift wrapped and put it under the tree. 
2. Make a holiday meal and the traditional goodies anyway. If you don't want to eat them, wrap them up for neighbors and friends. Just because you are alone doesn't mean you can't participate. 
3. Go on holiday or make it seem so right at home. 
4. Serve at a homeless shelter, an orphanage, volunteer at My Sister's House, spend time at the ASPCA. Anything anywhere. There are people and animals who need love so I hope I'd share mine with them. We've served at a soup kitchen type place in the past and I promise it's worth it to go. The conversations you will have with those down on their luck are nothing less than fascinating. And Y'all, the nursing homes are full of elderly folks who have been placed there and forgotten. There are so many who are alone every time a holiday rolls around. Make those connections. 
5. Get outside and look for those sharing goodwill. Just watching others walking around with an attitude of goodwill can make you feel better inside. 
6. Get out and enjoy the sights and sounds of the season. The colors, the carolers, the happy faces, the houses with lights, SANTA! It's all out there, go. experience. it. 
7. Get out with a camera and record what other people are doing. We spend our holidays with our lovely families but if faced without them for the season, how fun would it be to get out and record what we see other families doing? Not in a creepy way, of course. 
8. Walk yourself right into a church for their Christmas service. Some will be welcoming (and yes, I have something to say about churches who are not welcoming but this is not the place) and you may just find some new friends. 
9. Make yourself a new tradition or two.
10. Host a holiday gathering at home and invite anyone and everyone. 

The main thing here would be to not dwell on not having your family with you over the holidays but to find meaning for yourself. Stop yourself from letting the thoughts of what isn't happening prevent you from enjoying the holidays anyway. No, it won't be the same but that doesn't mean it can't be pleasant and enjoyable. Heck, you might even have fun! What?!

Perhaps starting an Empty Nest social media group for locals and connecting would help connect with other empty nesters who will understand your position. Or a book club for empty nesters or just a weekly or monthly social outing. Like it or not, our kids are going to grow up and fly out on their own. While this is a very good and natural thing, if you're having trouble with it there are plenty of ways to share all that love and care that doesn't stop just because the kids did grow up and move on.

If you do find yourself alone this holiday season, try to change your mindset. Focus on what you can do instead of what isn't happening. If you can't pull yourself out of it, please reach out for help to someone even if it isn't family. If you know someone who will be alone, reach out and invite them over.

Christmas is the perfect time for caring and sharing and you might find it follows you throughout the year instead of one day.

Have Y'all ever found yourselves alone on a holiday?

Please visit my Etsy shop, CoasterDoodles

and feel free to FAVORITE the shop
or buy something! 😁💓 
We're more than coasters these days. 

Grown Up Kids Are Still Kids

No matter how grown up we get in this family, we LOVE games. I hope this never changes. Last year was the first year of playing the gift card game. We enjoyed it enough to try again this year.

I'm not sure why I only took pictures of one side of the room but, here you go:

Everyone takes 3 numbers because everyone gets three gifts. A gift can be stolen 3 times before it's dead. There are gift cards hidden inside some of the gifts and, while you do have to show people your gifts, you do not have to tell whether or not you know there is a gift card inside. I like to think I'm rather clever at hiding gift cards inside the presents.

Then there's the pickle that is hidden on the tree every year. The kid who finds the pickle first gets the pickle prize.

They are just like little kids about the pickle! SILExtraordinaire was the first one to run out and start looking. I had to make him wait until everyone else was in the room. Silly boy. :)  They nearly attacked the poor tree and even partnered up- you go high, I'll go low! It was so much fun watching them.

In the end, Deanie found the pickle and when her sisters groaned, commented, "Whatever, I haven't found this dang thing in, like, 6 years!"

LOVE having these people all together under ONE ROOF!

The grandparents have arrived and we have more celebrating to do! I'm holding onto and enjoying the fun and not focusing on the fact that people are going to leave on Monday. This momma is loving every second of this year's holiday spectacular!

In case I don't 'see' y'all, I wish you and yours a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Why I Dislike the Sharing Years

When you become an empty nester and your grown up kiddos have significant others you are quite quickly introduced to what I call, the sharing years. The sharing years mean that you'll be sharing all BIG and IMPORTANT holidays with that 'other family'.

We have to share with two of those 'other families' this year and, even though I absolutely LOVE those other people, I do not love sharing my girls during the holidays. Most of you know that I have four daughters who are DA BOMB x 4 and yes, I know we don't say, 'da bomb' anymore but I'm making a point here- even when there is only one MIA during a holiday celebration, that's the one I think about and miss terribly.

No, I do not get angry about this. I'm not that kind of mom. I don't send them on a guilt trip (I can't believe you are choosing them over me. You must not love me anymore. PUL-EASSE). I'm not that kind of mom. I also do not manipulate them to get them to change their plans (But great-grandpa isn't doing well, this could be his last Christmas...right. It could be anyone's last Christmas, people. Just sayin'). I am NOT that kind of mom. I'm way more honest than that. If I don't like something, I tell them. Plus, who wants people to be home for the holidays because they've been guilted into it or manipulated into it or because someone would be mad if they weren't home? I don't. I want everyone to WANT to be home.

Not that we haven't joked about the sharing years. We do it all the time.
ME: Since you won't be here, I guess Santa won't need to fill a stocking for you.
The lovelies: MOM!!!

And I'm pretty sure I was kidding when I told Birdie that she couldn't take any of the cute Christmas outfits I bought for Baby M to 'THAT PLACE." (Smirk)

But those are nothing but jokes because of course, they get stockings regardless and Birdie can certainly take those cute clothes with them. My girls and I have always been close and we continue to be that way so, when they aren't here, they're calling and/or texting me (though NOT in front of their host families.) I appreciate that more than y'all know. But it's still difficult when one or more of them are not with us on a holiday.

It's not that easy for the girls either. The year my oldest spent Christmas with the other people, she was having a hard time so her sisters sent her a picture of them in their Christmas pajamas (they still get Christmas pajamas to this day) but instead of making her feel better, she cried and vowed never to spend Christmas away from us again. And she hasn't. That one doesn't do change. (Please note that she did not cry in front of the in-laws and they were quite gracious to her knowing that it was the first Christmas away from her family.) Then there's the year that SILExtraordinaire and Birdie weren't yet married (but he was considered part of the family) so he went to Indiana with his parents and we had a cardboard cutout of him that we included in all the pictures (which is something we might need to consider having for each of the MIA members during the sharing years.)

So, how do I deal with the disappointment of the sharing years? I remind myself that:

• I am blessed by my daughters whether they are present or not
• the mom of the significant other loves her adult kid, too
• it doesn't matter what day we celebrate the holidays, as long as we do
• nothing can break the bond I have with each of my girls
• the sharing years are a fact of life and I have to deal

This year, I am reminding myself that when we gather two days after Christmas, I get all 4 of the girls together for a full week instead of 2 days! So, I'm winning this sharing thing! Not that it's a competition...

What can I say? I'm not perfect. I admit that I don't love the sharing years. I also admit that I love having them all here longer than the other people get them. But I won't be lording it over anyone. Y'all can't see that smug look on my face, can you? 

Ideally, I'd love for everyone to live close enough to gather together- our family, the other families, extended family- EVERYONE. Do y'all think Santa would work this out for me if I put it on my list? 

I know there are some empty nesters out there who are having a terribly difficult time with the sharing years and I wanted to address the issue in a post to help out a bit. The thing is, it's ok that you don't like the sharing years but you must remember it's not a personal attack, it's the only fair way to work it out. So, take a deep breath, find the humor, appreciate the times you do have together, and enjoy the ones who are with you during the holiday season. 

If you are alone on a sharing year, try hosting a friend gathering or volunteer at a homeless shelter or orphanage or hold the at-risk newborns at the hospital. You could make treats and deliver them to people who have to work on Christmas Day such as nurses or police officers... 

You might not have everyone home but you can appreciate those who are and connect digitally with those who aren't. There is no reason to spend the holidays alone with all the need in the world, there's a place for you to turn that sadness into a comforting smile for someone else. 

How do y'all deal with the sharing years?