The Truth of Shame

Shame is a funny thing. Funny meaning odd, not hilarious. There's nothing hilarious about shame. Nothing at all. But what I didn't realize until recently is that shame is personal. It stems from different beginnings/acts/circumstances with different people. It carries with it a stamina that is often self-inflicted. It's a real downer. Though we can learn from it. Live through it.

I agreed to read DANCING AT THE SHAME PROM sharing the stories that kept us small which is a collection of personal essays written by women who have carried shame with them for many years.

Admittedly, when I began reading the essays I wondered why in the world these women thought they had anything at all to be ashamed of. Probably because I, for the most part, equate shame with an act committed by the person carrying the shame. But that's not the only way one develops shame.

Sometimes, shame comes to us in childhood when we are developing cognitively and some loser asshole adult does something and then, successfully, transfers the shame to us. Sometimes it's a harsh tone or insensitivity used during a developmental milestone. Sometimes shame comes when we let the narrow-minded opinions others have of us affect us negatively. And, sometimes, shame comes to us when we commit that act that we wish we hadn't.

Regardless of how it comes about, shame is real. And it can be carried for a lifetime.

I'm still not sure why some of the essayists carried shame. But they did. And it was real to them.

What the collection did for me was to open my eyes to shame. Now, instead of blowing off someone because I don't think what happen/who they are is shameful I hope I will tend more towards respecting the fact that their shame is their own and realize that what I'm really doing is judging their shame. That's totally not cool. Besides, it doesn't take understanding the shame to help someone out. It just takes compassion.

WOW (Women On Writing) is planning on giving 5 bloggers an opportunity to win a second copy of the book for a giveaway. Since that isn't happening for a few weeks yet, I thought I'd give y'all a chance to share my copy.

Here's what I'm thinking- I'll randomly choose a name from those of you who are interested and then, after that person reads it, they pass it on to another reader of their choosing.

Just let me know in the comment section if you're interested!