Life Storms

Do y'all ever feel like you're crazy or headed in that general direction? When life does that little dance that makes you feel overwhelmed? When you realize toxic people have found their way to you? When you experience a loss? When it seems stress has decided to hover over you like a helicopter mom? When there's wedding planning to be done (J/K NashvilleDaughter)? When your nest empties for the first time? One way or another, we've all been there.

Once we're through these life storms and realize we survived there is a sigh of relief and we set about relaxing and enjoying ourselves. Until the next time. And goodness knows there is always a next time.

Life storms can make us feel like we are truly losing it. Or do they? Because, in reality, it isn't the life storms making us think we're crazy it's our reaction to those storms. We are in control of our own behavior and how we react to others and to life's storms is up to us. Even when it seems we're trapped in a corner and see no way out because life is never what it seems, is it? Storms come and go. They pass. We just have to ride them out.

Do y'all have any strategies for riding out life's storms? I know of a few but I cannot say I'm very good at trying them because usually I just go straight to silent screaming. Anyway...

Strategies for dealing with life's storms:

• Meditation/prayer: Works. Every. Time. This is one thing I know for sure works to provide a sense of calm which allows us to see our current storm more clearly and even help us remember it's just a storm and it will pass. It's also good for reminding us we are not alone and there is a higher power on our side. 
• Walk away. Take a break and do something to take your mind off the storm or something that will keep you busy while you think about what you need to do- some mulling it over time if you will. 
• Breathe. I'm not kidding. When I feel the frustration rise to the point of explosion I stop and take a deep breath and that brings me back to a place I can think more clearly. And yes, it took months of training myself to stop at just the right moment to take this cleansing breath. Also yes, it sometimes takes more than one breath.
• Seek out your most objective friend and let it out. Sometimes you just need to vent other times you need help seeing the situation for what it really is. Someone who will tell you you've made a mountain out of a molehill. Someone who can help you find exactly where you went off the rails so you can find out how to get back on track.
• My grandmother read her bible and hummed old hymns. And it worked for her. Usually, when I read my bible I just find I'm doing everything wrong but that's a topic for another day. Ha! The humming helps, too. 
• Speaking of humming, music. Listening to music can take me away from it all. Who needs Calgon when we have music? But a nice soak in a hot tub can also work wonders. 
• Work on your hobby. Whatever it is your hobby is something you love doing or it wouldn't be your hobby so working on it is another way to calm down and clear your mind. 

I know there are times when nothing we do seems to help us handle a storm especially one that leaves us lost or blindsides us. I know empty nesters who are in this place right now and the best thing at times like these when you just can't, you seek help. Sometimes, we just need a professional to help us out and that's ok. What's not ok is continuing to stay in the storm. 

How do y'all clear your minds during a life storm?

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I Am NOT Stressing

I'm not. I am not. I really am NOT stressing. I mean, why would I? I live in a tiny house with three other grown people who are the messiest humans I've ever known who swear they don't keep messes on purpose (I promise it's the mess, not the people who stress me out); we're still having summer-like temperatures even though it's well into my favorite time of year and the temps should be way cooler; the holidays are fast approaching and I am not motivated to do much since my house is a wreck and overcrowded plus I am not eating carbs and that's making the menu interesting; I teach in an elementary school that is controlled by a county filled with...let's just say, control freaks who lack certain smarts, and leave it at that; I am still in need of a vehicle.

So, yeah. Why in the world would I be stressed?

How, when life is not going the way you hoped it would at this point in your life, can we possibly find some peace? A bit of calm? Enjoy a moment of relaxation?

Here are 12 ways I take it down a notch:

1. I get up earlier than everyone, walk the dog, take a nice shower and enjoy my coffee in peace.
2. I keep my journal going on a daily basis. Some days that poor thing gets a lashing but, at least I get it out of my system. For a minute. 
3. I keep the wine in a hidden spot. It's mine and I am NOT sharing. I do NOT I feel bad about that. 
4. I buy new glassware and flatware. Since most of mine are MIA but no one has any in their rooms, I have purchased new ones. They are boxed and hidden away until I have my house back, bu it's nice knowing that I have them. 
5. I talk to friends with sympathetic ears. 
6. I recite my daily mantra: It's not worth the jail time. It's not worth the jail time. It's not worth the jail time...
7. I put on my earbuds and crank up my music. 
8. I lie down and try to nap or deep breathe or something. Basically, this is just removing myself from the situation. It does help. Momentarily. Longer than a moment if I get the wine out. 
9. Recognize and try to get rid of those pesky expectations that make life so much more difficult than it needs to be. 
10. Turn my focus to a project. This helps take my mind off the stressful things and keeps me occupied for a while. 
11. I draw. I've started drawing some mandalas and a few other creative designs. It's almost like doodling and it does have a soothing effect on me. 
12. I look out the window or sit on the deck on windy days and watch the trees dance in the wind. Very soothing thing to do. 

Those are some techniques I've found helpful in reducing my stress, even if it's just for a little while. What are some of your modus operandi for reducing stress? 

Second Hand Stress?

Really? I didn't know it had a name. But, according to an article at Huffington Post , it is.

According to Jordan Friedman:
"'Secondhand stress' is a stress response that is triggered by someone else's behavior." Wow. I have that! I have known for YEARS that my stress is, about 95%, triggered by the behavior of another person. And I'm here to tell y'all, it sucks. 

In my situation, it's not that knowing someone else is stressed causes me, out of empathy, to be stressed as well. It's more the dread of having to hear the moaning and sighing and slamming and cursing and negative comments. The noise of this person's stress is stressful to me. 

Heidi Hanna, Ph.D., a fellow with the American Institute of Stress states that stress leads to:

• forgetfulness
• family members internalizing their feelings (particularly kids)
• communication shut down
• fatigue (as the day wears on we become exhausted from trying to protect ourselves from stressful situations which also leads to irritability, distracted thinking, and a negative impact on relationships)

Friedman explain s that second hand stress is not limited to the home situation. According to Friedman, second hand stress also affects us in other ways:

•  on the road via road rage (a dirty look or honk of a horn in our direction can cause us to feel stressed physically and/or emotionally and makes it difficult to focus while driving)
• at work via an anxious co-worker (which leads to a problem with teamwork, productivity, etc)

So, how do we deal with this second hand stress? Friedman suggests:

• Avoid situations where the second hand stress is created
• protect your energy (take a five minute break every hour; stretch and walk around; meditate; laugh)
• develop a breathing technique or something that you can think about 
• Try not to let the little things get to you
• Focus on the positive
• Don't spread second hand stress yourself

Speaking from experience, I can say that this is true. There is such a thing as second hand stress. I've been getting daily doses of it for years. And years. About 15 years ago, I started getting myself under control because I realized that, if I didn't, I was going to have a heart attack or some other sort of terrible thing that would just kill me. So I started with deep breathing to calm myself. As the years progressed, I began shutting out the negative people and, the one I can't shut out, I learned to tune out. Honestly, I just ignore and don't pay attention. It's not worth the toll it takes on your spiritual, physical and emotional well being. I learned to do things with friends or by myself and I started making decisions by myself. 

Right now, I'm working on living in the now and focusing on the positive. For example, this morning, because I focused on the positive, I was able to hear fog horns (one of my favorite sounds in the world) and observe the sunrise. Had I stayed inside and not walked Tucker I wouldn't have heard those fog horns. Had I not left for work early, I would have missed the sunrise. I got two big time positives and avoided the negative altogether! It was such a blessing. I"m also working on strengthening my spiritual well-being and, as most of y'all know, my physical well-being which will, I hope, help my energy problem. 

It's not all that helpful to realize that there isn't that much stress in my life that is first hand. The second hand stress is way more offensive. In my situation, it seems as though some people aren't happy unless they are taking others of us with them. This is WAY uncool. It leads to all sorts of resentment as well. It's just no good. But, taking the steps I've been taking, one at a time, I find that I am living much happier than I would be had I not taken the first step towards positivity and self-preservation. 

Most of y'all might have no idea about second hand stress and I'm so glad. It's not pleasant at all. For those who do have an idea about it, how do you handle your second hand stress?