The News I Prefer

I've been pretty good at avoiding the news due to an event which took place in 2016 because it's been nothing but embarrassing and I prefer the news not to feature misogynistic, racist, fear monger, hate-filled, narcissistic lunatics but that's another story altogether. And not at all what this blog will ever promote.

This post is about the news I do follow. The segments featuring positivity. The ones showing humanity and hope are alive and well. The ones showing compassion for our planet and our fellow humans. People being good humans.

N is for news. The good kind.

You can skip past Jane Pauley to get to the good part in this one. 

There are so many more of these news stories out there but I'm stopping here. I'd love to hear about your favorite news story of the last year or two. Whether local, national, or international there are good people out there spreading good things and these are the stories I look for every day.

N is for news.

Hurry Up Already

Why are we in such a hurry? How do we get ourselves in such a rush? We sit in traffic and get all kinds of irritated because we're going to be late or we just want to get home but the fact is all that irritation doesn't move the traffic any faster. If you're going to be late why didn't you just start out earlier? There are all sorts of ways to check the traffic so I'm not sure why that is ever an issue unless whatever it is happens right in front of you but either way expending energy on irritation won't help a thing. You just want to get home? You will. So, chill.

H is for hurry.

There are times when I am convinced the slow down in traffic is saving me from something such as an accident I am involved it. I know, but I don't really care if people think that's crazy. I have experienced the whole getting caught by a red light and fussing over it but once on my way there was an accident just about where I would have been had I had a green light so...

We're going through a difficult time in life and we put our heads down and go through as quickly as possible but how does that help us learn whatever it is we should be learning from that period? We get excited over some event and before we know it the whole thing is over and we didn't pay attention and enjoy it to the fullest. We rushed through and that took whatever enjoyment we could have had or whatever lesson we could have learned and left us without either.

Pregnant moms want to hurry through the last moments. Parents of toddlers want that phase to hurry and end. Parents of teenagers can't get through that phase fast enough. Employees rush through their day to get home and their work suffers and stress ensues. Drivers rush through traffic and accidents happen. People hurry up to get to the next thing but, when the next thing comes along they rush through to get to the next and before we know it our lives are over. Rush, rush, rush. Hurry up and rush.

My granddaddy always used to tell us not to wish our lives away and I think rushing through things is the same as wishing we were someone else, some other age, some other location, etc. When we aren't focused on what's right now, right there in front of us we rush through with nothing left but that deer in the headlights look of, "WTH just happened?"

It happens in business, too. Instead of following the instructions some brilliant sort decides he can get it done quicker if he just does what he wants to do and problems galore suddenly appear and guess what? It's not anyone's fault and the finger pointing begins. All because someone was in a hurry or someone's boss put on the pressure to hurry or for whatever reason, people were hurried and mistakes were made and there you go.

That kind of thing drives me nuts. Where are the stand-up people who make mistakes and own up to them? I guess that particular trait has died out.

Sometimes we rush through because we have way too much on our plate. This one happens to me, a lot. I over-extend myself and have to hurry up to get through each task and what happens? I don't give myself a chance to enjoy, learn from, appreciate each task and the end result is sometimes lacking. Just getting through the daily routine that has become doldrum can make us not pay attention, rush through, and miss any little light the chore may have brought with it.

Life goes by in a flash as it is so why in the world we try to make it go by even faster is a mystery to me. It seems rather stupid to do this. At the same time, I understand some situations are good to just get through because they are super sad, painful, hurtful...but I've heard it told there are healing and lessons in these situations.

When we don't pay attention and rush through we miss the hidden little delights each day, each task, each moment holds.

H is for hurry up and slow down.

Enjoy your moments.

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Shoes On, Shoes Off

Is your house shoes on or shoes off indoors? I know there are people who think it's nuts but I have a shoes off inside house and I even have a little heart-shaped sign on the front door informing guests to, "Please remove shoes." Not that everyone pays attention to my little heart-shaped sign but it's there. In plain sight.

My house has been this way for about 30 years now. I'm not a strict enforcer. It's not like I tell people to take their shoes off if they don't. I also do not expect anyone to remove their shoes when I'm hosting an oyster roast or shower or birthday party and there are 20+ people in attendance. Yes, I'm all over the floors when everyone leaves with a good dose of thieves oil cleaner and the steamer but I don't freak out about shoes being worn inside the house. However, being the germaphobe I am, when people do remove their shoes while inside it calms my anxiety about that particular issue. No one in the family wears shoes in the house and they are the most frequent fliers so it works out ok.

I was a bit more insistent when there were babies crawling around on the floors and I really didn't give a hoot what anyone thought about it because the babies come first here. Always have, always will.

Admittedly, there are some whose shoes are probably cleaner than someone's bare feet around here but that's another story altogether. I considered buying a box of little slippers for people to change into but those things were ridiculously expensive so I took a hard pass on that idea (thanks anyway, Martha Stewart.) I don't even want to tell y'all the bacteria that was found on the bottom of shoes by a professor of microbiology and environmental sciences at the University of Arizona but I will---
fecal bacteria (pet waste and splashes from public restroom floors) and E. coli. Those are two types of bacteria I do not care to have on my floors if I can avoid it which I feel I can by being a shoes off indoors person.

This professor also said shoes pick up mold and pollen and with the allergies we have in this family, it's best to keep our shoe wearing outside. 

I do realize there are little organisms on our socks and bare feet as well but not nearly as many as attach to and frolic around on our shoes. And I do believe things can get out of hand when we try to keep our houses sterile which I do not do. But I think keeping the bacterial partiers down to a manageable number or not purposefully increasing their numbers is not a bad thing. It's not like I wrapped the kiddos up in bubbles. And yes, we've had cats and dogs the whole time but my head tells me they don't spread as much nasty as our shoes do and no, it's not science-based it's I'm-keeping-my-dog-and-I'm-taking-my-shoes-off-anyway-so-shut-up based. 😂

It probably helps that it's either hot or super warm most of the year down here in the low-country of SC so we basically kick our shoes off to cool our feet anyway. And there is no carpet in my house so those little icky things can't fester as much. Except when people step on the area rugs. Sigh.

I could be wrong but the bottom line is this, I'm not a shoe person and I prefer dirt to remain outside as much as possible. I'm not anal about the shoes off/shoes on (except with my family) so I won't make you remove your shoes if you come for a visit but I'll appreciate it if you do and I most certainly will leave mine on or take them off according to your preference in your home.

So, tell me friends, what's your take on wearing shoes indoors? Is your home shoes on or shoes off?

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Connecting with Adult Children

To be honest, I was under the impression being in touch with our adult children is the norm until I started reading comments on social media, blog posts, and articles. It seems we may actually be the exception, instead. Which is sad. And curious.

My four daughters and I are quite close. We share similar philosophies and political leanings. We love to laugh and share everything from our daily routines to problems, from good news to bad. We are in touch because we want to be not because we're expected to be. We enjoy each other's company and appreciate any time we have together.

One daughter lives 8 hours away but not a day goes by without us texting and/or a phone call. This is the way it is with empty nesters I know personally, too. Thus, my erroneous thought all of us enjoy a wonderful relationship with our adult kids. Now, I realize I am one of the lucky/blessed ones and I am more grateful than ever before.

Do I agree with all their life decisions made in their adult lives? Nope. Do we all get along all the time? Nope. But when we do have our disagreements we tend to have them and then let them go. We try not to harbor and build resentments. As in our relationships with other people, we have to realize what's right for us isn't always going to be the right thing or right way for our adult children.

We don't really know what goes on in other families because we don't live their lives so I won't make any assumptions as to why so many parents have difficulty connecting with their adult children. I will say if there is a problem that has become so intense or complex you can't find a way around it, seek out a counselor. I do know parents who feel used and a couple who feel alienated by their adult children and counseling is most helpful in these as well as other situations.

Don't think for a second I'm not guilty of failing on some of these suggestions because I am. We're not perfect, we just do the best we can, right? That being said, here are a few ways I think would work to help us stay connected with our adult children.

1. Do not offer unsolicited advice. Or at least keep it to a minimum. I'm not the world's best at this but I'm far from the worst. Parents are pretty good at problem-solving. We've done it for decades and we possess experience wisdom but that does not give us the right to intrude and tell our adult kids what to do and how to do it. Safe your sage advice for the times it is requested and if it is never requested, pat yourself on the back you did a great job raising the kids! Remember, when they do ask for advice don't be critical. 
2. Back off a minute. You raised these kids and most likely you loved every minute of it. But it's THEIR time now so we have to back off and give them the space they need to figure out this whole adulting thing which is not the easiest thing to figure out if you remember. Heck, I'm still working on it. 
3. Do away with expectations or keep them under control and to yourself. If I've said it once I've said it a gazillion times: expectations will leave you with nothing but disappointment. Not to mention when you expect something from another person what you're really wanting is for them to do something the way you would do or the way you want it done. That's not fair. So what if they don't call or text or respond to yours every minute of the day, they have a life to live and they don't answer to us anymore. Of course, if you're feeling taken advantage of because the only time they do come around is when they need something it may be time for a family meeting or some tough love but that's on you to decide. 
4. Remember, you are not the boss. You did your job, put in your time and now you're done. Not with being a parent but with parenting dependent children. 
5. Find a common interest and share it. Does everyone enjoy shopping? Going to the movies? Bowling? Hiking? Football? Whatever the interest, if you find a common one invite them to join you. If they come, great! If not, go anyway and have a good time but don't stop inviting them because one day they will show up. 
6. Show a genuine interest. Sometimes we parents can come off seeming nosy instead of interested. Check the way you ask-- are you engaging in conversation or poking around where you aren't wanted or needed? Even if your intentions are innocent if your adult kid thinks otherwise, just be careful until they realize and/or appreciate you're genuinely interested.
7. No guilt trips. Honestly, if my mother ever put a guilt trip on me I would have had a conniption fit. People can carry their own guilt without having it put on them. Now is the time for us to recognize and respect the differences between us. 
8. Be a good listener. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and who better than our parents? Unless they jump in to tell us how to solve the problem which isn't what we wanted. Chances are your adult kids are perfectly capable of solving their problems but may need a supportive ear for a minute. Just give the ear and keep the solution to the problem to yourself unless they ask for it. Remember, we always want to be the ones they turn to not the ones they turn away from. 
9. Snail mail. Use it. Send a 'thinking-of-you' card every once in a while. You can put a little $$ in there, a newspaper clipping you saw they can relate to, a gift card, or just a little note and an 'I love you.' I started using the app, TouchNote and everyone loves it! I mostly use it to send pictures of my grands to my Dad and stepmom and my aunt but I do use it for my girls as well. It's so easy and a great way to send a postcard or greeting card. 
10. Accept whatever form of communication they are willing to use. Text, email, video chats, phone calls, whatever. I'd rather have any form of communication than none at all. 
11. Ask if they'd be willing to have a weekly phone call or video chat with you. And PROMISE not to keep them on there for 2 hours. We have people like that in our family and it drives me nuts. A 15-20 minute conversation is good enough and if it goes longer and all parties are ok with that then great! Don't forget about conference calling if you have multiple kiddos because having them all on the phone at the same time is super fun! 
12. Weekly or monthly meals. If your adult kids live close enough start a weekly or monthly meal at your house. Just let them know when it is but do not badger them to come. If they do, great if they don't just freeze the leftovers. 
13. Pray for them. If you are the praying sort, do it. I can't tell you how very aware I am my grandmother prayed for me until the day she passed. My mother has passed but my dad and stepmother continue praying for all of us daily. It makes a difference. 

That's all I've got right now but I'm sure Y'all have some more and I'd love to hear them!

Also, please visit my friend Mary who has a wonderful post about the difficulty of parenting adult children. Y'all can read her post HERE. 


Thanks, Y'all! Have a wonderful day!

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How to Uplift a Bad/Sad Day

Like I really know. Ha! I don't believe there is one single person out there who hasn't suffered through a bad or sad day at least once in their lives. Those days happen and we have to deal with them. We know these days are temporary but there are times when they don't feel temporary so we need to have some outlets handy to help us get out of our slumps.

So, what makes you have a bad or sad day? Traffic tie-ups? Someone being mean to you? Getting up on the wrong side of the bed? Running behind schedule? Needing chocolate when there's none in the house? A life-changing event? Had a bad dream? In need of a pity party? Do you look for someone to blame or recognize your bad/sad day as self-inflicted because if we're being honest aren't most of them self-inflicted? Something isn't going our way or someone isn't doing what we want them to do? Not that there aren't external causes. I mean, menopause can be a b#tch and I didn't exactly have a fantastic day when Mother passed in May but mostly, my bad/sad days are self-inflicted if I look at them closely.

Regardless of why, we do have those days and I'll share a few thoughts on how to get through them because Y'all, we do have to get through them.

1. Just go with it. That's right. Sometimes we just have to go with a bad or sad day because sometimes crying it out or whatever you need to do is the only remedy. Venting, crying, an extreme workout, anything that will, in the end, make us feel better. 
2. Music, loud. The genre completely depends on the type of bad/sad day I'm having so it could go from classical to rock and anything in-between except country, metal or hip-hop. Those last three simply do not appeal to me with the exception of a few songs otherwise it would probably add to my bad day. Ha!
3. A sad movie. Yep, sad movies will bring me right out of a bad or sad day because they make me cry and because they usually depict lives way sadder than my own. 
4. Alone time. I love my alone time and if I could have it all the time (excluding holidays and other family gatherings) I'd probably never have bad days but I'm not sure about the sad days. 
5. Get up and move. It doesn't have to be exercise but moving around is helpful even if it's just taking a stroll outside. A nature walk is good for me as long as I don't run into other people. 
6. Put things into perspective. Now, this one doesn't always work for me especially if my bad or sad day involves a pity party, however, making a list of the positives is helpful at times. I do find making a list of positives at night can be a deterrent to having a bad/sad day the next day. I remind myself that things could have almost always been worse.  
7. Meditation/Prayer can work wonders. It gives us a little time out from everything else and helps us refocus. 
8. If talking it out helps you, call a friend and talk away. I'm a bit too private for this one but I am a great listener and just listening is helpful to some friends. 
9. Try to identify your triggers behind the bad/sad day and explore them when you are not feeling down or upset. This can be especially helpful in preventing some future bad/sad days. Although, I feel having a bad or sad day every once in a while is a good thing. But that's me.
10. JournalJournalJournal. I had a few super bad years a while back. Not the kind where every single day was bad but it was a bad, and often sad, time. I journaled like a mad dog through those years and it helped way more than I ever thought it would. All those things we feel we can't say or don't because we're private people or because we're venting and not looking for conversation or judgment can be written down page after page, journal after journal and you can come out feeling much better on the other side.  
11. Suck-it-up. No, I'm not being mean or unfeeling here but some days we just have to suck-it-up and do our thing. I found on days I have to suck-it-up, my bad/sad either goes away or it sits on the back burner until I have time to give it attention because if I don't give some of the bad/sad feelings attention they're going to come up again at a most inopportune time. 

I know y'all have more suggestions and I would love for you to share them in the comments. Of course, if we find ourselves in a bad/sad day that truly never ends it may be time to seek some professional help and I assure you there is no shame in that. 

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I'm Going to Say it Again

Put. Down. Your. Phone.

I'm trying to come at this without judgment. I'm really thinking of the fact children grow up so fast. I want parents to know how fast it goes and how much they will miss if they have their faces in their freaking phones all the time.

What sparked it this time? The mom who paid ZERO attention to her excited 4th grader who was trying to show her what he learned in computer class because she was too busy texting the. whole. time. Nope. The 3-year-old who tried for 20 minutes to engage her mother who was to busy texting to give engagement to said 3-year-old? Nope. Those sparked THIS POST.

Today's concern comes from a Facebook post I saw where dad was filming the toddler who was trying to engage mom who was too busy on her phone to engage with the toddler.

I'm telling Y'all, I don't like this behavior. I can't help it, I do. not. like. it.

I get there are some parents who use their phones as a connection to their business. It's understandable these moms and dads have to respond to texts and emails from work. Phones are great when we have video chats with loved ones who live far away. Emergencies happen and we can connect quicker which is great. However, I still don't think we should be on our phones so long that it begins to take the place of engaging with children.

Is it becoming a cliche' to say we went out to eat and saw families sitting there on their phones instead of interacting with one another? If so, that's sad.

Yes, I am guilty of having my phone out when the grands are around but that's to take pictures and I do not keep it in their face the whole time they're with me. I will give a quick glance if I hear a text message come in but that's just to see if it was their parents if not, the text is ignored. One thing my grandkiddos do not have to do is compete with my phone for attention. But that's just me and I think I may fast becoming a minority on this issue.

So, what are some things we can do to help us put those phones down and pay attention to one another?

1. Phone box. Get a phone box/bag and whenever the family is doing something together, all phones go into the box until the activity is over. 
2. Keep your phone in a different room when playing with your kiddos.
3. Make a list of family cell phone use.
4. Check yourself. Do you really need that much time on your phone? 99% of all text messages are not that important, Y'all. 
5. Have phone free time at least once each day.
6. Enlist help from an app. Yep, there's an app for that. There are apps that will allow you to block yourself from other apps and websites. An app like, CHECKY will monitor how often you check your phone and could reveal some interesting information for you. 
7. Turn your phone off for at least an hour each day. You can set up an auto-responder.
8. Challenge yourself with a social media free weekend. This might be quite revealing. 
9. Remember, you do not need to be available to anyone other than your family all the time. Everyone else can wait.
10. Also remember, a phone is never a replacement for human interaction especially with those who are right in front of your face. 

Come on, Y'all. Why is this even a thing? Why do we put our phone interaction above engaging with our family and especially our children? I see it nearly every day and yes, even within my own family. Are grandparents the only ones these kids are going to believe care enough about them to give them eye-to-eye contact? Conversation? I'll say this, I'm so glad my memories of my grandparents (and parents) are not filled with trying to get their attention. I'm glad they cared enough about me to put me ahead of watching television or talking on the phone which were the big technology distractions of that time. I knew they loved me and I didn't have to plead with them to find that out.

How do people even know their kids these days if they don't talk to them and actually pay attention to the conversation? It baffles me.

I'm very sorry for today's distracted parents who will wake up one day and wonder where their little kids went and then wonder why they have to beg for their children's attention.

Ok Y'all, weigh in!

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Life Storms

Do y'all ever feel like you're crazy or headed in that general direction? When life does that little dance that makes you feel overwhelmed? When you realize toxic people have found their way to you? When you experience a loss? When it seems stress has decided to hover over you like a helicopter mom? When there's wedding planning to be done (J/K NashvilleDaughter)? When your nest empties for the first time? One way or another, we've all been there.

Once we're through these life storms and realize we survived there is a sigh of relief and we set about relaxing and enjoying ourselves. Until the next time. And goodness knows there is always a next time.

Life storms can make us feel like we are truly losing it. Or do they? Because, in reality, it isn't the life storms making us think we're crazy it's our reaction to those storms. We are in control of our own behavior and how we react to others and to life's storms is up to us. Even when it seems we're trapped in a corner and see no way out because life is never what it seems, is it? Storms come and go. They pass. We just have to ride them out.

Do y'all have any strategies for riding out life's storms? I know of a few but I cannot say I'm very good at trying them because usually I just go straight to silent screaming. Anyway...

Strategies for dealing with life's storms:

• Meditation/prayer: Works. Every. Time. This is one thing I know for sure works to provide a sense of calm which allows us to see our current storm more clearly and even help us remember it's just a storm and it will pass. It's also good for reminding us we are not alone and there is a higher power on our side. 
• Walk away. Take a break and do something to take your mind off the storm or something that will keep you busy while you think about what you need to do- some mulling it over time if you will. 
• Breathe. I'm not kidding. When I feel the frustration rise to the point of explosion I stop and take a deep breath and that brings me back to a place I can think more clearly. And yes, it took months of training myself to stop at just the right moment to take this cleansing breath. Also yes, it sometimes takes more than one breath.
• Seek out your most objective friend and let it out. Sometimes you just need to vent other times you need help seeing the situation for what it really is. Someone who will tell you you've made a mountain out of a molehill. Someone who can help you find exactly where you went off the rails so you can find out how to get back on track.
• My grandmother read her bible and hummed old hymns. And it worked for her. Usually, when I read my bible I just find I'm doing everything wrong but that's a topic for another day. Ha! The humming helps, too. 
• Speaking of humming, music. Listening to music can take me away from it all. Who needs Calgon when we have music? But a nice soak in a hot tub can also work wonders. 
• Work on your hobby. Whatever it is your hobby is something you love doing or it wouldn't be your hobby so working on it is another way to calm down and clear your mind. 

I know there are times when nothing we do seems to help us handle a storm especially one that leaves us lost or blindsides us. I know empty nesters who are in this place right now and the best thing at times like these when you just can't, you seek help. Sometimes, we just need a professional to help us out and that's ok. What's not ok is continuing to stay in the storm. 

How do y'all clear your minds during a life storm?

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The Rolling of the Eyes

Everyone does it from time to time. It's the rolling of the eyes when someone says or does something that annoys us. It seems I am annoyed multiple times on a daily basis. Ha! I will say when I do roll my eyes I try to do it 'silently.' In other words, I can be discreet in my eye rolling as I am able to do it in my mind instead of being outwardly rude to someone. I have also shared my eye roll with another person who is also in the room and just happens to be rolling their eyes as well. I have also been known to full out lose control and not only roll my eyes on purpose and in full view but with an added huff. Anyway...

Believe it or not, there's a history behind the rolling of the eyes. As far back as Shakespeare's time, the eye roll was a form of flirtation. Who knew? We didn't really begin rolling our eyes from annoyance until the 60s. Psychologists study eye-rolling and have suggested it is a form of passive-aggressive behavior in teenagers. I thought it was just a requirement during the teen years because like it or not teens are so adept at eye-rolling it seems to be an innate trait. There is even a how-to for rolling one's eyes on wikiHow. With pictures. Which made me roll my eyes. Ha!

There's no doubt humans communicate with their eyes and facial movements. It's relatively easy to tell whether someone is just a bit annoyed or annoyed to the point of wanting to smack somebody. With that in mind, I've come up with a list of things that result in the rolling of my eyes. Maybe Y'all will find some of these are on your own list of eye-rolling annoyances and hopefully one of those things is not reading blog posts about the rolling of the eyes.   

Annoyances that make me roll my eyes:

• When someone tries to be clever and funny but they aren't clever or funny.
• When someone answers a question by telling their life's story or just one story that takes over an hour to tell AND you've heard it a gazillion times.
• When someone tells me the same thing for the five thousandth time. I really don't need to hear more than once that you are going to go to the store.
• When someone has the 100th pity party in the same day.
• Skinny people who say they are fat or need to lose weight.
• Smug superiority.
• People who always steer the conversation to be about them.
• People spout something as gospel that they read from one, noncredible internet source.
• People who believe they are always right.
• People who believe you are entitled to THEIR opinion.
• Starting a sentence with, "I'm not ____, but..." I'm not racist but,... Ummm, I'm thinking maybe you are racist else that thought wouldn't have even come to you.
• Pyramid schemes- Plexus is one I see a lot.
• Pyramid scheme 'ambassadors' who try to friend people on FB just to recruit/sell.
• People who give you a 20 minute rundown on how they are feeling when you ask, "How are you?" Seriously, doesn't the world know we are mostly asking that to be polite not to hear their life's story? When someone has been in poor health the question does sincerely seek information otherwise, no.
• The statement "It is what it is." 
• One-uppers.
• Unsolicited advice such as, "You should..." People do not like to be told what to do.
• "No offense, but..." They're obviously about to spout something offensive.

Did Y'all roll your eyes? Did anyone notice I got through this without using the word, stupid? Hey, this is what you get when the Hodgepodge is on break and I'm bored.

Ok, what's on your list?

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Even Halloween is Changing

Does every single thing have to change? I'm not sure I'm on board with all this change that seems to go on with every little thing we've ever done with kids. Have Y'all noticed that the kids don't change? It's the 'rules' for raising them that do. Thank goodness kids survive no matter how many ridiculous rules we imposed on them.

It's ok to trust your maternal instincts.

How in the world did any of us raise kids without the internet? It seems some young moms these days depend on the internet to tell them how to raise their little ones or to tell others how to raise theirs. What's a young mom to do when they receive conflicting information? Whatever happened to trusting your gut instinct? Your maternal instincts? It really is ok to do that. When you are a student of your children, you do get to know them and understand them. It's almost like being a mind reader. And you come to realize that mind readers are just people who truly understand people. So why are we making all these changes and freaking out over every little thing?

Mom-to-mom Facebook groups can be a good thing. 

If there's a serious problem, I've seen moms go to mom Facebook pages before calling a physician. Goodness. I hope it really is the same thing that 500 other moms report (and nearly all 500 things are different) instead of something serious. Of course, there are those moms who will post the suggestion to have the little one checked out by the pediatrician. These groups are not a bad thing at all. They are fantastic for finding fun activities and great restaurants. They're good for recommendations for doctors, dentists, vets, etc. These moms will tell you who they like and why. But I draw the line at diagnosing or telling someone how they should be doing something. Or mom shaming. I hate that.

There's a new Halloween trend in these parts. 

What's this have to do with Halloween? There's a new trend here for celebrating Halloween. Instead of trick-or-treating kids are going to trunk-or-treating sites, trick-or-treating at the mall, stay in the backyard and have a scavenger hunt, just play games, take it to the kitchen and bake goodies, have a Halloween pinata in the yard, play photo booth, go to a carnival or, better yet, have a DIY carnival, host a costume party, watch Halloween movies, and for goodness sakes why carve a pumpkin when we can paint one instead.

The ideas sound like fun but no trick-or-treating?

I'm not saying these are bad ideas. They sound like fun! Big fun! But why are we moving away from trick-or-treating? We took part in many of those ideas along with trick-or-treating. Those activities were part of the build-up to the big event---TRICK-OR-TREATING.  

Yes, I get that some people don't want to participate in Halloween and I completely understand these folks and those who live too far out in the boonies and don't want to drive to the houses of strangers. I'm talking about people who do enjoy participating in Halloween but are turning away from trick-or-treating. I'm not sure I understand the why behind it. Is it a safety issue? Aren't they only going to the houses of people they know?

The neighbors went to great lengths to make Halloween fun.

My girls had such fun trick-or-treating when they were growing up! There were people in the neighborhood who set up scary scenes in their yards and garages and my girls couldn't wait to get to those houses. I always laughed (and appreciated it) when the wives would stop their husbands from

being too scary if the approaching children were too little. There was one house where you knew the man was going to jump out you just never knew when or from where. It was HILARIOUS!

We'll still have trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood. Until we don't. I guess, when it comes down to it, kids won't miss what they don't even know. But trick-or-treating is such fun! I hate to see it go.

Do the kids still trick-or-treat in your area? Did you when you were growing up? Did your kiddos?

Happy Haunting, Y'all!

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Cracking Under the Pressure

When I think about the moms who have such a terrible time when they finally have to face an empty nest I wonder if it's because these sweet souls have made their children the center of their universe. Can you imagine the pressure of being the center of one's universe?

If there's one place in the world I cannot stand to be it's in the middle. Of anything. Ever. The person in the middle does not have the easiest task because they are thrust into situations by other people for some ridiculous reason or another. I've had people be so clever about this that I didn't realize I was in the middle until I was in the middle. I've learned over the years to avoid the middle at all costs and to be brutally honest and tell everyone involved that I am not going to be in the middle any longer if it sneaks up on me. I just do not like being in the middle.

When we make someone the center of our universe we put them in the middle whether they like it or not. Suddenly, without their permission or knowledge, they are thrust into life with the responsibility of making our world spin or make sense. That's a huge responsibility for a kid. It's huge for anyone.

People who make their children the center of their universe do not realize the pressure they put on their kids. When the kids grow up and move on, they tend to shut out those parents because they simply have to get away from all that pressure.

I'm not saying we don't all miss our kids when they grow up and move out of the nest. We do. But there is a line between loving our kids and having strong relationships with them and codependency. I love my girls. I think they're the greatest daughters who have ever walked the face of the earth. When they left the nest I did have an adjustment period. I had all that time to fill and it took me some time to figure out how to fill it. But that was fun! I knew the girls were out living their own grown-up lives and I knew I had done my best to prepare them to do so.  Adjustment period? Sure. Missed them? Of course! But Y'all, I was so tired I think I was grateful to have a minute to myself. Raising four daughters is the best thing I've ever had the privilege to do. I loved every second and I was one of those moms who was involved in every aspect of their lives teaching them life skills through it all. But not so they could spin my world, so they could grow up and be able to spin their own worlds.

It is almost as if some people carry the thought, "I did all of this for you and you should do all these things for me because of it." Aren't we supposed to do for and give to others because we want to, out of the goodness of our hearts without expectation of return? If we do and give with the expectation of return, that's not really giving. I think that's called manipulation. It rarely works and when it does will almost certainly lead to rebellion when the person cracks under the pressure. They will distance themselves to save themselves.

I don't know anyone who likes being made to be the center of someone's universe. I've been in that position myself and I know it's not a good place. There is, quite often, a rebellion that takes place which can be nearly impossible to reverse. Resentment steps in and relationships are severed. Is it really worth it to make another person the center of our universe? IMO, no.

I know I seem to write about these poor moms but they are so sad, so devastatingly sad. I've never seen such sadness before and they are not being the least bit rational about it. I am still truly concerned and hope they come to some sort of realization combined with getting some professional help.

Taking care of ourselves is never a bad idea. Remembering we can be wonderful, loving, nurturing parents without making our kiddos the center of our universe is important. Knowing how to be focused on our children without becoming attached to them in an unhealthy, restrictive way is also important for everyone involved in the relationship. Our goal is to raise our children to become healthy, independent, well adjusted adults, right?

Have you ever been the center of someone's universe? Do you know someone who is or who does this? Please share your thoughts!

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The Ostrich Lady

I am one of those people who cannot seem to merely watch the news or read about current events without feeling as though I have absorbed the negativity that permeates nearly every aspect of our daily happenings. This is not a good thing because I spend my days anxious and nervous and have even been reduced to tears. It's gotten to be way too much. When all of your senses are super sensitive and on high alert every second of every day, you have to stick your head in the sand for a minute to clear your mind and recharge.

My favorite person in the world sent me this text Saturday morning: 

...take your time, sip slowly, DO NOT TURN ON THE NEWS, it will be okay...

I didn't follow the advice until yesterday morning. It was incredibly liberating. I took my time, I sipped slowly and I did not turn on the news. I went through the entire day without the news. I felt like a new woman. I was more energetic, I smiled all day, I was calm and positive. Good grief was I happy???? 

When I perused Facebook and Instagram I realized I needed to stop following a few groups that post about current events and politics. So, I did. Same thing in my inbox so I unsubscribed from the news sites and anything political. More boulders off my shoulders. Y'all, I even stopped following (without unfriending) people on Facebook who post their reactions to recent events or politics in a negative, arrogant, ranting sort of way.   

If I could simply watch the news and 'read-all-about-it' followed by nothing more than intellectual discussions and courteous sharing of opinions that would be fine. But I do not. No one here is interested in different opinions and I tend to ingest the news. I feel it through every single fiber of my body as it runs through wreaking havoc. It's not so much the reporting of the news (I can tell the difference between where the facts stop and sensationalism begins because I'm not stupid) but the video coverage where you see and hear people spewing verbal garbage that gets to me. (The very same thing happens when I come into contact with other people- I absorb their negativity or if I'm lucky enough to be around a positive person, their positivity. I know, it's a blessing and a curse.)

I have a hard time understanding how people in positions of authority in the year 2017 can act this way. It's embarrassing. It's juvenile. It's disgusting. It's sickening. And I'm tired of it. So, I'm taking a break. Just call me ostrich lady for the time being. I need to regroup. 

I spent my day with these two who my youngest daughter jokingly call 'the same person' because Tucker and Baby M do so many things together including searching for squirrels while standing on the toddler bed to look out the window.

If I'm going to be the right kind of influence on this little girl, I have to regroup. I want her to know how to fight social injustice and bigoted, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic leadership in such a way as to be heard not simply be part of the chaotic crowd. To use her compassion for social justice to effectively invoke change. To work within the system to fight for the changes so desperately needed. To spread love and kindness in the midst of hatred and ignorance. To encourage cooperation and communication. To learn to accept responsibility for one's actions and not to pass the buck or point the finger. To not get caught up in the heat of the moment but to get in there and be ready to fight for good for the long haul. To fight fair. To fight honestly. To fight without hatred and violence. Because it's going to be a fight. 

For now, my focus is on the good things in life- grandchildren and my sweet pup, my friends here and there, near and far, and my family. I'll get back in there. But I'm definitely taking a time out. I have to regroup.

Do you ever have to regroup? What do you find works best?

Oh, and we're STILL awaiting the arrival of Baby R. I'll keep Y'all posted!

Am I Being Trendy Enough for Y'all?

I talk a lot about my grandmother's recipes and how even if you follow what she wrote down, yours won't be as good because she kept the real recipes in her head. Earlier this week I decided to make a quiche and brought out my old standby recipe. It isn't my grandmother's. My favorite quiche recipe was shared with me by my college bestie. She also shared my favorite cookie recipe with me. Every time I make the quiche or the cookies, I am transported back to one of the most fun times of my life.

I LOVE that my dear friend wrote the recipes down on cards in her handwriting. Who knew I'd be using them throughout the years to this very day? That I'd be raising four daughters on that spinach quiche and those delicious oatmeal chip cookies? That any of us would be responsible enough to raise children? LOL Yes, I have some pictures of us but I really don't think y'all want to see exactly how crazy we were back then.

Anyway, the cookies were her father's mother's recipe and that tells me why the cookies are so delicious! I've never made a grandmother recipe that I didn't love. Even my grandmother's recipes turn out pretty good even without knowing the secrets.

Here's the quiche. One of the reasons I love the recipe is that it is versatile. I don't love swiss cheese so I use my cheese of the moment and this time I changed the crust. I wanted to try a sweet potato crust because I had sweet potatoes and not a frozen crust and I don't make homemade crusts because when I do, they are awful. It worked!

"It's trendy, too!"

The same day I made the quiche I had the television on while Baby M was sleeping and Rachel Ray was on. I don't watch her show because she gets on my nerves by talking on top of people but there was a guy making something interesting so I watched for about 3 minutes. He poured a squash mixture in a bowl and mentioned eating color, and it was a beautiful shade of yellow, and then added quinoa when Rachel says, "It's trendy, too!" Ok, what's trendy? The quinoa? Wasn't that trendy a few years ago? Eating color? Hasn't that always been the idea? Good grief.

The word, trendy is also getting on my last nerve.

The word, trendy is also getting on my last nerve. I suppose that's a millennial thing but let me tell you something when the big technology breakdown comes millennials won't be able to deal because they seem to want to throw everything of the past away so they'll have no idea how to live without the instant gratification technology allows them. They also won't be able to access the latest fads (because isn't that really what trendy things are?) with a mere touch.

The trend-focused crowd does not take time to relate and share.

I'm not opposed to new thoughts/ways/ideas/trends but I see no good reason for tossing out all the old thoughts/ways/ideas/trends. I feel that's cutting off your nose to spite your face. The trend-focused crowd has no idea how to take the time to relate and share ideas. They get an idea and toss it right out if it doesn't work, throw it out there if it does, and move right along to the next idea. There is no perfection of an idea. There is no sharing. There is only moving through the days at the speed of light throwing ideas all over the place without once taking their eyes off their digital devices. Here's a thought: how long before they forget what human beings look like? Oh wait, they see humans on those digital devices. What was I thinking?

Trendy people seem to be drawn to fancy words instead of the food itself.

Back to the food... It's not that I never check out the new, 'trendy' recipes. But I will say this, healthy, organic eating is not new. It was the same kind of food my grandmother made because we weren't fighting against big pesticide companies and GMO corporations. We got our food from family farmers who farmed the way they were raised and this did not include pesticides or GMOs. Food used to come from the ground without the unhealthy additives. Plus, people used to cook every meal from scratch. That's the way I learned and it's what I did when the lovelies were growing up. It's what I do now. We've always made our meals colorful, this is not a new trend. Putting the name 'artisanal' in front of a word such as, butcher, does not change what it is. Putting multiple foods in a bowl is supposedly a new trend but I've seen this for YEARS and please ask anyone of the Asian culture how long bowl meals have been in existence. What I'm thinking is putting a fancy word behind another or renaming a dish with something sounding more clever is what the trenders are drawn towards. Brunch? Not new, y'all. None of this stuff is new it's just trendy. It's what they like right now. Trend = Fad. Anyway...

Cooking like Grandmother is not a trendy thing to do.

To go with the quiche I made grilled cheese but, instead of bread, I made bread out of zucchini (is that trendy enough to be considered trendy?). The 'bread' (trendy bread?) was like zucchini fritters and very good. I didn't follow the recipe to the letter because that's not what Grandmother did and I learned from her (not a trendy thing to do). I was going to make the two recipes at different times but couldn't decide which to make when and that's how we ended up with both for one meal.

I'm not trendy and I'm perfectly fine with that. 

Trendy or not, I eat what I want to eat. I prepare food the way I want to prepare it. I don't need a trendy word to make something more appealing. I'll enjoy preparing my home-grown food over a fire and not losing my mind over not being able to use my digital devices should the world ever come to that in my lifetime. I might also enjoy watching millennials run around not having a clue what to do.

Until then, life goes on in a whirlwind of technological development and e-waste destruction.

Oh, and I guess we can't use FB to abbreviate Facebook. Seems it stands for, Follow Back.

Are y'all trendy?

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How To Make a Difference

Do you ever question your purpose in life? I often find myself wondering, is this all I get to do or offer? I get into trouble when I start comparing. I know better than to do that but I do it anyway. And I find I never really measure up. At least, not in my mind.

I look around at the women I know and I wonder how in the world they have the energy, and ingenuity to do the things they do. They are active and positive no matter what they're up to. They have wonderfully creative ideas and implement them. They have exorbitant amounts of energy and get things done every single day.

I seem to lack motivation and energy.

What am I doing? Compared with these women, nothing. I seem to lack motivation and energy. Not to mention the wherewithal. But do we really need to be visually changing the world to be making a difference? To have a purpose? Maybe not.

Do you try to make others smile? Do you encourage others? Do you pray for people? Do you take the time to listen to a friend? A child? Do you take care of a pet? Do you spread kindness?  Do you smile at others? Do you give support, not necessarily financially but by helping out? Do you donate either materials, money, or your time to a charity or a local school? Do you recycle?

What we do does not have to be headline worthy.

When my checklist looks like that then, yes I have a purpose and I am making a difference. What we do does not have to be headline worthy. The little things we do on a daily basis make a huge difference in someone's life. When we smile at the cashier in the grocery store and share a pleasantry or two, we leave them with a happy feeling.

We may never make the sort of difference that lands us on the front page or be asked to speak a TED Talk or be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. But does that really matter? If we're looking for rewards, our motivation is way off.

I do have a purpose.

So the answer is, yes. I do compare myself to others and wonder if I even have a purpose in life. But the answer is also, yes. I do have a purpose. When I see my four amazing daughters and know they are happy and see them making a difference in the world around us, standing up for what is right, taking a stand when it's not popular to do so, getting out there and spreading their messages of love, peace, happiness... I know I not only have a purpose but one that reaches out and touches the world in a positive way.

How are y'all making a difference? 

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