If there's one place in the world I cannot stand to be it's in the middle. Of anything. Ever. The person in the middle does not have the easiest task because they are thrust into situations by other people for some ridiculous reason or another. I've had people be so clever about this that I didn't realize I was in the middle until I was in the middle. I've learned over the years to avoid the middle at all costs and to be brutally honest and tell everyone involved that I am not going to be in the middle any longer if it sneaks up on me. I just do not like being in the middle.
When we make someone the center of our universe we put them in the middle whether they like it or not. Suddenly, without their permission or knowledge, they are thrust into life with the responsibility of making our world spin or make sense. That's a huge responsibility for a kid. It's huge for anyone.
People who make their children the center of their universe do not realize the pressure they put on their kids. When the kids grow up and move on, they tend to shut out those parents because they simply have to get away from all that pressure.
I'm not saying we don't all miss our kids when they grow up and move out of the nest. We do. But there is a line between loving our kids and having strong relationships with them and codependency. I love my girls. I think they're the greatest daughters who have ever walked the face of the earth. When they left the nest I did have an adjustment period. I had all that time to fill and it took me some time to figure out how to fill it. But that was fun! I knew the girls were out living their own grown-up lives and I knew I had done my best to prepare them to do so. Adjustment period? Sure. Missed them? Of course! But Y'all, I was so tired I think I was grateful to have a minute to myself. Raising four daughters is the best thing I've ever had the privilege to do. I loved every second and I was one of those moms who was involved in every aspect of their lives teaching them life skills through it all. But not so they could spin my world, so they could grow up and be able to spin their own worlds.
It is almost as if some people carry the thought, "I did all of this for you and you should do all these things for me because of it." Aren't we supposed to do for and give to others because we want to, out of the goodness of our hearts without expectation of return? If we do and give with the expectation of return, that's not really giving. I think that's called manipulation. It rarely works and when it does will almost certainly lead to rebellion when the person cracks under the pressure. They will distance themselves to save themselves.
I don't know anyone who likes being made to be the center of someone's universe. I've been in that position myself and I know it's not a good place. There is, quite often, a rebellion that takes place which can be nearly impossible to reverse. Resentment steps in and relationships are severed. Is it really worth it to make another person the center of our universe? IMO, no.
I know I seem to write about these poor moms but they are so sad, so devastatingly sad. I've never seen such sadness before and they are not being the least bit rational about it. I am still truly concerned and hope they come to some sort of realization combined with getting some professional help.
Taking care of ourselves is never a bad idea. Remembering we can be wonderful, loving, nurturing parents without making our kiddos the center of our universe is important. Knowing how to be focused on our children without becoming attached to them in an unhealthy, restrictive way is also important for everyone involved in the relationship. Our goal is to raise our children to become healthy, independent, well adjusted adults, right?
Have you ever been the center of someone's universe? Do you know someone who is or who does this? Please share your thoughts!
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