What A Parent Should Be

Or how a parent should be. Who determines (or determined) what kind of parent you are (were going to be)?

Does society dictate your role to you?
Is your parenting based on your own parents methods?
Do you read those stupid parenting books?
Are other parents your role models?
Do you follow your gut?

Maybe your style is (or was) a combination of those things and even more.

I'll tell y'all a little secret about my own parenting style. It was based, basically, on three things:

• Piaget
• My gut
• Doing the opposite of what my parents did- mostly

I LOVED that Piaget studied his own children from the moment they were born. I was bowled over with what a fantastic idea this was. And I loved his conclusions. He was the reason I got my MS in Early Childhood Development. I won't get into the details but I will say that there was no need to read any child development books when my own girls came along. I was all set. And I so enjoyed watching the lovelies through all their developmental stages. Of course, once they reached the ripe old age of the pre-teen years, I was lost. Sort of. So I learned to depend even more upon my---

Gut instincts. I paid attention to my gut WAY more than I did to anything else. I found it to be true that being a student of the lovelies resulted in knowing them thoroughly which resulted in being able to understand their needs, wants, moods, etc. I paid little to no attention to what others had to say or what they did, I trusted my instincts based on my knowledge of each individual daughter. It worked for me. Of course, I did tons of babysitting when I was growing up so I was not a stranger to little ones. And I think that helped ease my mind. When your mind can be eased, things don't seem so daunting.

Ok, that last one is not meant to be mean or anything negative. I just knew that I wanted to do things differently from my parents. They were from a generation where kids were not paid that much attention. Kids were put in front of the television or sent out to play without supervision, anything as long as we didn't bug our parents. Which was ok. Except when it wasn't. We were a generation of kids who realized we weren't being supervised and we tended to take advantage of that fact. Our parents didn't show up at everything we had going on. In their defense, we really didn't have that much going on for them to show up and watch anyway. So I knew I was going to be there for the lovelies and that I was going to expose them to activities in an effort to enable the to find their own, individual niches. And they did.

Those are the three main things that I based my parenting style on IN A NUTSHELL. I could write a freaking dissertation on it but I'll certainly spare y'all that. Basically, this is what worked for me.

Now, share your parenting styles with us!

Family-less Vacations

I've heard about something lately that I'd never even remotely considered when the lovelies were growing up. Apparently, it's ok for moms to go on vacation without their husband and kids.

Alone. On vacation. 

I would have DIED before doing this when the lovelies were little. And most of that has to do with the fact that their dad was not the most attentive of fathers. He was more of a fall-asleep-on-the-couch-and-let-the-party-begin kind of dad. The lovelies loved that.

I didn't. 

Then you have to factor in the fact that I totally enjoyed every minute with the lovelies. We were busy having fun nearly all the time. Raising kids, for me, was BIG FUN. But then, I had great kids. Who didn't suffer with illness (like colic) or severe allergies or any other medical conditions. So, I guess I had it easy.

I have to admit that, when I first heard of moms taking vacations without their families, I went right into judgement mode.

However, when I thought about the colic or food allergies that lead to medical issues or other conditions that can make life extremely difficult when thrown into the mix, I have to say that I understand their need to get away and regroup. I can't imagine how exhausting- physically and emotionally- it must be to have a wee one who is in constant pain from colic and crying, nonstop. As a matter of fact, I doubt'exhausting' does the feeling justice. 

However, looking back from my now empty nest perspective, I believe that I, personally, would now be feeling something along the lines of guilt had I taken any solo vacations. Though, maybe not the kind of guilt you think. It would be more related to my need to control things. Everything. And, while it's way less (and I mean WAY less) now than it's ever been in my entire life, I can honestly say that it would have been the main reason for any guilty feelings from a solo vacation.

I did enjoy every minute of raising the lovelies. I did take my 'job' seriously. And I did love being in control. The 'in charge' person. It was fabulous.

Once the nest emptied out, I was way less interested in being in control in most areas. I think the control part while the lovelies were growing up stemmed from genetics and the fact that Mr. Negative had so many issues and ties with his family that I didn't want them having any say-so. (That turned out to be a good call on my part.) My controlling nature was in place more for protection of the lovelies than in controlling the actual children themselves. I made sure their decisions were their own. That they developed opinions on their own. That they were exposed to a variety of options. That they were allowed every opportunity to discover, explore, enjoy, grow, thrive...

Looking back now, would I have tried the family-less vacation? I don't think so. But I do understand how some parents need a break from time to time to recharge. Life with children can be exhausting when they don't have extra stresses to deal with. Though, admittedly, I'm not sure I'll quite understand when someone takes a family-less vacation just to get away from family life. Of course, they didn't ask my opinion now, did they? :)