If there's one thing participation in the A-Z Challenge does to a person it's making the fact words don't have the meaning you thought they did abundantly clear. I was searching for my letter A day word to explain how my theme won't be a true theme because if I stick to one theme I may or may not finish the challenge. I am all over the place in just about everything I do and while that seems chaotic and crazy to others it's my norm, it's what works for me but trying to find a word beginning with the letter A that holds just the right meaning didn't work out and became a challenge in and of itself so I decided to go a different route.
That being said, my word today (minus a theme) is, ADJUST.
Every empty nester out there knows how it is to have to adjust to the nest being empty. I've talked about it here so many times and the chats with friends near and far about it have been even more numerous because that's exactly what having an empty nest is- a time to adjust. We have to adjust ourselves to a new era, one without kids running around the house making messes and yelling and arguing and laughing and sharing and all the things our kids do as they grow and flourish under our watchful eyes. Even those of us who try to prepare ourselves for the emptying of the nest have to adjust to the quiet and the time we suddenly have on our hands. Some of us decide to enter the workforce or change our career paths, some try redecorating/renovating our homes, some try organizing the tons of accumulated items left untouched over the course of raising the kids, some join clubs, some pick up hobbies, some take time to focus on themselves and improve their health and fitness...regardless of what we choose to do to help us we do have to make a choice as we adjust to a new phase.
Throughout our lives we adjust to different phases- we adjust from childhood to adolescence to adulthood to middle age to old age. We adjust to life without loved ones as their time comes to go ahead to the next life. We adjust to new situations, new events, new places, new people who come and go.
We find ourselves adjusting to big and small things in our lives and sometimes we ease into the next situation or the new thing or person and other times we fight the adjustment period tooth and nail.
I find the little adjustments to be the most annoying and difficult to handle and I have to wonder if that little fact is related to my not being as grateful as I need to be. I'll admit I do not love being inconvenienced or interrupted and I can give specific examples and the reasons behind them but that's just making excuses so we'll move on. Is self-awareness something to adjust to? Yep. And adjusting to that self-awareness is not easy because wouldn't we all prefer to see someone without those petty traits when we look in the mirror?
I actually believe the problem is not adjusting. Yes, it can be difficult but it is doable. The problem pops up when we can't find a way to adjust due to depression or hanging onto the sadness once it becomes like a comfort zone because we do find comfort in those feelings even though it's not healthy or because we're too embarrassed or don't want to ask for help. The thing I've learned is, go ahead and ask because more likely than not someone else is feeling that same way.
Of course, the times when adjustment is a piece of cake are my favorites. Like becoming a grandparent. Y'all had to know that was coming, right? Haha!
I have to say that other than becoming a parent to each of my four daughters, becoming a grandparent is the best thing EVER! And the adjustment was a breeze. Even when they come for days at a time without their mommies. Yep, that happened this past weekend but that's a post for a different day. I will leave y'all with a sneak peek--
Can. You. Even?
Until tomorrow...because it's going to take the rest of today to figure out my B word. (B word...heehee)
I've talked about this issue before but I've been reading some comments on a site devoted to empty nesters and I'm even more concerned with some of the moms. As a mother of 4 daughters who was able to stay at home to raise them, I understand the sudden STOP of everything once the youngest goes off to college. It is sudden. And it is a STOP. The kind of stop that happens when you slam the heck out of your brakes to avoid hitting the brick wall in front of you. I get it. I've been there. What concerns me are the mothers who have spent the last decades of their kids' lives doing everything for them from the moment they were born until the second they moved out. These poor souls seem to feel as though they have nothing left.
I'm not kidding, y'all. They are in tears and can't seem to leave their houses. If they do leave their houses for a job, they come home and cry. They have no energy and they talk about how their kids don't call or text. I have to wonder if these lovely women devoted themselves to their children and nothing or no one else for 18, or however many years, and now expect the kids to continue wanting that constant, daily contact. That's not how this works.
Didn't all of us raise our kiddos to go out into the world as productive, world-changing individuals? Didn't we want them to grow up to be independent thinkers who could stand on their own two feet? Didn't we spend 18 years prepping them for going out into the world on their own? Or was it just me?
I was that stay at home mom who devoted her time and effort to her kids. But I wasn't totally lost when the last one left. I mean, I felt 'off' but I was not in constant tears or feeling the need to beg people to call or text me. And it's because I was TIRED, y'all. Exhausted from being so dang busy all those years. So, I rested.
Seriously, I did feel the 'different' that comes with no children living at home. I found projects to keep busy because I was used to busy. I felt the alone but not the lonely. I think that's where the problem comes in for those who spend their empty nest days in tears and utter distress. For those who feel lonely instead of the calm of being alone for more than 2 seconds, who spend countless hours in tears and worry, who believe they must hear from their all grown up kids many times during every day, let me suggest---
Find a hobby. Anything. Try to remember things you wished you'd had time to do when you were raising your kids and do that now.
Get out of the house. Go out and walk, or shop, or have lunch. Do anything, just do something and do it outside the constraints of home.
Organize. Unless you were THAT mom who was able to keep your house organized and clean while raising your kids, now's the perfect time to do all that!
What about those gazillion photos you took of your precious ones? Get those organized and put them into scrapbooks.
Get yourself a puppy! I did and it was fabulous!
Reconnect with old friends and friends you couldn't spend time with due to someone's game, performance, homework, headache...
Work on fitness. I'm not talking about losing weight here, I'm talking about getting fit. It will make you feel better physically and mentally.
Redecorate/remodel
I think a lot of parents may have trouble devoting their time without attaching themselves, permanently, to their kids. After reading and hearing stories from those who became attached, I'm glad I was devoted but not attached. I can't imagine being so attached to another human being, or a thing that I can't function without it. That is not healthy for anyone.
I started this blog to write about having an empty nest and I took some of the above advice myself. As I mentioned, I felt the feels but it was not overwhelming. It was an adjustment. Any time there's an adjustment to be made, it's likely to be challenging but it's almost always doable. It takes time.
I've written about my own steps to adjusting to an empty nest. Here are some of the things I did:
Got a puppy
Organized and cleaned the house
Organized the photos and scrapbooked them
Started a garden without a green thumb
Cleaned the yard although it still needs a major overhaul
Volunteered in the schools
Took a job in the elementary school the lovelies attended
Worked on getting fit (and then not, and then did it again, and then not, and then...it's a vicious cycle, this one)
Redecorated rooms
Got my photography bug on..no, I'm not the best but it's so much fun and I'm still doing it)
Picked up the knitting needles (fun? Yes but it didn't last forever because it's hard)
Started blogging (LOVE this! It's one of the best things I've ever done)
If you go back to the beginning of this blog, you can find the posts all about filling the empty hours of the empty days. Yes, empty because it does all come to a sudden stop. The thing is, that's ok. A sudden stop gives you time to reflect and plan your next moves. Start there and start small. Don't try to take everything on all at once. You have time, now. Use it.
And for goodness sakes, if you find you're one of those sweet souls who have become attached to THAT point, get out and get some help. Talk to someone. There is so much more to life than living it for and through your adult kids.
This is not a time of crying and complaining and sitting in a rocking chair wrenching your hands. It's a time for enjoying life for yourself. Get to know yourself again. If you like your significant other, get to know him/her, too. Do things together or, as I prefer, do things all by yourself or with friends. We don't all stay close with our SOs. That's ok, too. Just get out of the chair and do something.
Do y'all know folks who are struggling hard with an empty nest?
I have a list of DO's and DON'Ts (the discussion about the correct spelling of DOs and DON'Ts could be a blog post in and of itself...who knew???) when it comes to living in an empty nest.
It's a sort of long list but, in the spirit of the A-Z Challenge, I'm keeping is short:
DO expect to be hit between the eyes even though you have prepared yourself for the inevitability.
DO take on a hobby or two. They will keep your mind occupied and help you not get too deep in the initial shock and/or sadness.
DO realize that it's ok to put yourself first. They're out and living their lives- get out there and life yours. It's a brand new day!
DO celebrate an empty nest as success! After all, if you hadn't done such a great job raising them, they wouldn't be able to get out there and live their lives.
DO take on those jobs/ideas/etc that you kept putting off while you were busy raising the kids.
DO go out to lunch with friends or all by yourself.
DO continue or start exercising. It will make all the difference!
DO volunteer somewhere. Anywhere.
DON'T- let any sadness go too far. Recognize it for what it is, deal with it and let it go. If you can't, it's ok, it's just time to let someone help you.
DON'T forget that you're not in this alone.
DON'T ignore your feelings. Let them out so you can deal with them.
DON'T be afraid to try new things.
DON'T avoid the memories- let them flow. Eventually, they will bring a smile instead of tears.
DON'T hesitate to ask for help if you need it. There is no shame in needing or receiving help.
I'm linking this post to the fourth post of the April, A-Z Challenge!
Just click the badge below to visit more participants.
Ok, let's see what y'all came up with for the letter 'D'!
After the first three and a half years in this empty nest, I noticed
that I developed certain habits during this adjustment period.
The art of PROCRASTINATION. Yep, I’ve very
nearly perfected this one. When the lovelies were here at home, I had to get
things done because there was very little time to waste and everyone needed
something right now. But, once the nest emptied out, there was no one here with
a schedule to keep so I just put things off. All the time. If I don’t want to
do it, I don’t. And yes, I’m aware that
this could be categorized under ‘lazy.’
I’ve become METHODICAL. Not the part of
methodical that means orderly. Nope. The part that means painstakingly slow.
Because there’s no need to be in a hurry anymore. When the lovelies were here,
I worked around in speeds that would make Superman’s ability to go faster than
that speeding bullet seem a snail’s pace. When the nest emptied, this was no
longer necessary. So I slowed way down—to the point that a snail’s pace was
faster than I. It got to the point that I got something done when the spirit
moved me. And by moved, I mean SHOVED. And, yes, I realize that this is another
of my empty nest habits that could be categorized under ‘lazy.’
I’ve gotten into the habit of SINGING LOUDLY
while working out or working around the house. That’s not really a bad thing.
But it can be an embarrassing thing. Like when you forget that someone else is
in the house and you’re dancing around singing loudly and you notice that the
other person has fallen to floor and is laughing his ass off. Why? Because I
sing badly. And people around here think that’s really funny.
It’s become a habit for me to ARGUE. Yes, yes.
Very funny. I was argumentative before the nest emptied out. But now, I argue
with the television. And that is my sole purpose for turning the dang set on.
Unless there’s a football game on. But I’m argumentative with the games too so…
I got into the habit of HOME REPAIR AND
REDECORATING. But not by choice. It’s just one project led to another. And
another. And another…
DAYDREAMING. Yep. Living in this empty nest of
mine has caused me to develop the habit of daydreaming. I have become quite
adept at zoning out for hours at a time.
What do these new habits say about me? They say that having
an empty nest taught me how to waste time. But it has also shown me how to
appreciate time. And take the time. Enjoy time and recall time.
I've notice that some things have definitely changed during these first three years of living in an empty nest.
The FIRST Year:
I must take my cell phone EVERYWHERE (Yes, even into the bathroom) so that I won't miss a call/text from one of the lovelies.
I can't bear to part with any of the stuff they left behind.
I just cannot adjust to the quiet in the house. It's deafening.
I am having such a hard time cooking for only two people. We'll be eating this all week.
I hope they like this new recipe.
I'm going to put out all the Christmas decorations so things will look the same when they get home.
I have too much time on my hands. Maybe I'll re-read a classic or five.
The SECOND Year:
I can call/text them right back if I miss a call/text.
I wonder if all this stuff they left behind will fit in the attic?
It's so nice and quiet around here.
I've cooked so much we'll have to eat this for a couple of days.
It's nice to prepare anything I want to make for dinner.
Putting out all these Christmas decorations with no help is getting old.
I've got plenty of time to catch up on my reading...maybe I'll go back and catch up on Stephen King.
The THIRD Year:
They'll call me back if it's important.
I'm going to have a yard sale with all your crap if you don't get it out of here. I am NOT a storage unit.
Good grief this man that lives here with me makes a awful lot of noise.
How did I EVER cook for six people?
If they come home they can eat what I make or they can eat out. On their dime.
I wonder if we can celebrate Christmas at one of their houses?
I can read anything now that everyone's out of the house---Fifty Shades, here I come! Seriously, I wouldn't read these things in front of anyone because everyone is privy to the cause of the intense blushing. :)
The whole point here is, nothing that takes adjustment is usually easy. Some of it isn't even welcome. But, when we're faced with it, we just need to take it one day at a time. Rushing things, not talking about things, not facing our realities, etc. is not a good idea.
The time will pass quickly, even if the adjustment involves an empty nest. And, before you know it, you'll be quite appreciative of the perks that come with the kids being all grown up and out on their own.
Most of all, don't forget to laugh!
What was the most difficult adjustment for you whether it was facing an empty nest or bringing home your first child?
I suppose the first
thing I had to dare myself to do when the nest became empty was to figure out
who exactly I was now that the lovelies were all grown up. It may sound a
little crazy, but I really did have to define myself in this new role. Maybe
redefine is a better way to say it.
The kids still need us from time to time when they leave the
nest. Especially if they leave to go to college. I mean, who else is going to
fill out FAFSA and send them incidental and askidental money (remember The
Cosby Show episode when Cliff explains to Theo that askidental money is the money
they ask for when they misspend the incidental money?) when they need it?And they also still have situations that they
still bring to us to help sort out- with roommates, boyfriends, crazy
professors...
But, for the most part, an empty nest meant I had a lot of
time on my hands. I was still a mother but not the volunteering, chauffeuring,
managing, doctoring, nurturing, encouraging, making priceless memories,
laughing until it hurt, praying, creating family traditions, etc. type mom
anymore. Those days were over. And, for me, they’ve been over for the last
three years.
Filling the time proved to be a ginormous feat at first. I
tried a lot of things:
organizing over 25 years of pictures and
scrapbooking them
organizing and purging the attic
got a puppy
started gardening
started blogging
redecorated rooms
Yep. The first three years were, for the most part, spent trying
to find out how to fill all those empty hours. I finally realized that I didn’t
have to fill every single waking second to the brim. I could now read a book or
watch a movie all the way through. I could go to lunch with friends. I could
shop without having to stop in the middle to meet a child’s next scheduled
activity. I could focus some time on myself and get ME back into shape. I could
get to know myself again- as ME instead of MOM. Which is no easy feat when you've been MOM for 27 years.
Of course, with all the free time my mind was free to wander
and there were the bazillion thoughts that ran through my mind nearly every
waking moment such as:
Did I do all I could have?
Did I do all I should have?
Did I yell too much when I was frustrated or
tired?
Did I tell them everything they needed to know?
Did I set a good enough example?
Can I have a redo? I promise I’ll do it better.
Yep, the first thoughts running through my mind were
centered on the inadequacies of my mothering skills. I just knew that I had
messed up and what was I going to do now because it was simply too late. Funny
how our minds do this.
But we have to realize that we can’t live like this. We do
the very best we can. Human beings are not perfect, we just try as best we can.
Those who live with us come to know every aspect of our being- the good and the
bad- and they love us still. There’s just no sense in dwelling/fretting over
those things we cannot change.
The empty nest years
are redefining, emotional, self-discovery years. It’s an adjustment. And periods of adjustment take time. It’s all
part of the journey. And the journey itself can be the brass ring if we let it.
It doesn’t have to be an insurmountable obstacle that keeps us from living our
lives. Just look at it as a new era- different, not despairing.
And yes, you might find yourself turning on the television just for the noise- you might even find yourself talking to it (or, if you're like me, arguing with it). But you might also find yourself outside enjoying nature or working on your fitness level or having lunch with your BFF whom you haven't really seen in YEARS because you've both been so busy with the joy of raising children. Now, you get to enjoy the pleasure of the YOU years.
As with any new phase of our lives, the empty nest era will
be what we choose them to be. I decided to embrace mine as different and quite doable instead of despairing and debilitating. (I do realize that there are those of us out there who just can't seem to quite get on with the personal redefining and, for those blessed souls, I say: asking for help is always a good idea!).
We've all tried something new at some point in time. Lots of things, actually. But when is the last time you tried something new?
Is it important to try new things? It is scary to try new things? Do the benefits outweigh the risk of trying new things? I think the answers are- Yes; It can be; Most of the time, yes.
In the last three years of adjusting to this empty nest of mine, if I've done nothing else, I've tried new things. Not risky things- I've never been a risk taker- like jumping out of a plane to plummet to my death parachute to earth. No, never anything like that.
I remember trying something new back in the early 1980s- a roller coaster that made a loop. NEVER again. N.E.V.E.R. And I mean it.
But I have tried some new things since my nest emptied out in August of 2009.
I've tried my hand at gardening and discovered that it is a learning process and that it requires care and patience.
I've tried my hand at canning tomatoes from my garden and discovered that this process could easily become an addiction!
I've tried my hand at blogging and discovered that I LOVE it and that there are the sweetest, kindest, funniest, awe-inspiring, most honest bunch of wonderful people all over this tremendous planet of ours.
I've tried my hand at getting healthy and am discovering that it can be done, even at my age, and that it, too, is a process of learning and of discerning the true from the crap.
I've tried my hand at getting fit and am discovering that it can also be done even at my age. And I'm discovering that this is a true lesson in patience and perseverance.
I've tried my hand at photography and learned that it is so much fun! And that it, too, is a learning process that involves time and patience.
I've tried a host of other things as well. So, what's my point, exactly? Trying new things can be quite helpful when learning how to live in a nest that has emptied out.
Living in an empty nest is a learning process. It takes time to adjust to not having any kids in the house who need this/that/and the other thing RIGHT NOW or YESTERDAY. We have to learn how to be empty nesters.
Everything is different and it does require a period of adjustment. Will there be tears? Oh HELL YES. Will there be sadness? Oh HELL YES. Will is be like that forever? Absolutely NOT.
As the time passes and we begin to learn who we are in this new role, we start to see things that we can now do that we didn't have the time for while we were raising our little ones. And we actually begin to appreciate this fact.
One thing that helped me immensely during my threefreakingyear adjustment period was trying new things. Yes, it's time filling but it's also enlightening. Trying new things helps you make discoveries about yourself and your situation. It helps you define your new role and come to terms with everything about it.
Just sitting in a chair in front of the television or whatever isn't going to help a thing. Life is for LIVING not for brooding or feeling sorry for ourselves. We spent YEARS raising our kids to enable them to go out there and live their lives. To be productive members of society. To make a positive difference in the world. To be world changers. To live THEIR lives. And we were successful.
This doesn't mean our lives are over. It just means that things are different now. New, if you will. So try it out. Deal with any sadness- let it come and flood over you and deal with it-not dealing with it is not good.
Try new things- anything at all. But no sitting around. The husband's grandmother always used to say, "If you sit down, you'll get rusty."And we don't want that!
Remember, we're still needed and we can't do anything if we sit around all sad and get rusty. Yes, there will still be those moments of nostalgia that come flooding back when we least expect them, spurred on by a song or a picture or a simple thought. But those moments will come further apart as we adjust and become more bittersweet than depressing and will even come to bring more smiles as we recall the funny part of the memory instead of feeling sorry for ourselves that our kids are no longer little...
Meanwhile, it's way more fun to get up and experience those new things and learn to laugh even when the house is empty than to sit and ask Dorothy to pass the oil can.
No matter how hard you try to prepare yourself for the impending doom reality of living in an empty nest, it will still make you feel blindsided when it happens. At least it did for me. And this is true even though Hubs and I tried very hard to prepare ourselves. We talked about it, joked about it, and tried to envision what our lives would be like when the last of our precious ones left the nest. We had nothing on which to base our stupidity theories other than a desperate attempt to prepare for…get ready for…come to terms with… the reality that would be ours. We entertained thoughts of just the two of us going to the movies which would mean taking out only a small loan as opposed to a second mortgage when taking the entire family. We envisioned long walks on the beach without having sand thrown on us or keeping a watchful eye on precious ones in the water. We considered a bit of traveling without having to entertain the girls or break up fights or answer the age old question of, “Are we there yet?” FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND TIMES. We anticipated quiet and calm days and nights without interruption from a frightened or sad or energetic child. We dreamed of room renovations and a house that, once it was cleaned up, stayed that way (OK, that last one was just mine and it really hasn’t worked out just that way---there is still a man living here after all). We talked about having our own agendas again instead of having every minute dictated by our daughters’ schedules. Yes, we considered, thought, shared, discussed and, we thought, prepared ourselves nicely. Even so, when the reality of an empty nest hit, it hit hard. And EVERYTHING stopped. EVERYTHING. And I realized that what an empty nest left me was alone.
We are now in our second year of our empty nest situation and it is BORING. Oh, we started out with a bang! There was a lot of yard work that had been neglected the whole time we were raising our girls (22 years worth) and we put in a garden (which is a constant reminder of the fact that I do NOT have a green thumb but also of my persistence and determination as I refuse to give up and quit) and we got the puppy (Hubs and the girls bought him for me for Mother’s Day in an effort to placate my dread of the, at that time, soon-to-be empty nest and Tucker really is the best gift I have ever received!). I caught up, somewhat, on scrapbooking those mountains of photos that I never had the time to deal with while the girls were growing up (which took me down memory lane causing me to miss the girls being little.). I worked on changing our daily diet to a healthier one and began exercising (which started out GREAT as I lost 83 pounds…and then proceeded to put back on 17 of those and now am having to try again.). I rearranged rooms, made a study, purged the attic (finding all those American Girl dolls and accessories, stuffed animals, clothes--all of which reminded me of the great time we had when the girls were growing up—and still remain in the attic.).
And now? Now I am out of energy. The drive has died down. I’m lacking in motivation. I went into it full force (as I always do) and ran out of juice. And this is where the reality of the situation has really hit hard. Not only do I not know what to do with myself, I’m not fun to hang out with. It’s true. I am a boring person. Hubs still goes to his job every day and has to deal with his siblings who are….um…let’s just say, troubled, while I sit here and...SIT. As a SAHM, there was really no time to sit still. Even at night my ‘mommy brain’ had a section that stayed alert for even the slightest out of place sound. While the girls were at school, time did not slow down and neither did I. I was up at that school volunteering in the office and classrooms (our PTA was phenomenal, BTW). During the summers, we hit the beach or a park every day. Even through high school, the busy-ness continued. There is a different sort of busy now. The kind that you can complete in a matter of a few hours (even the volunteering only takes a couple of hours each week) and then find yourself left with TIME. Alone time. Solitary confinement dudes.
All is not lost, however, as I do see where all I really have to do is get up off my pity pot and DO something. You know how you take a piece of paper and crinkle it up and, as it sits there, it begins to open back up? Well, that’s how I am viewing the different stages of my life. The empty nest phase has crinkled me up into a tight ball, but I’m opening back up. And, when I’m fully opened, I will embrace this empty nest of ours. I will remember fondly, without a desire to go back, all those fulfilling years of raising our wonderful daughters. I will find that elusive green thumb and tend a bountiful garden. I will continue on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. I will leave those little reminders in the attic, not for lamenting but for future grandchildren. And you know what will happen at that point- when I’m all opened back up…well adjusted...discovered who I am in this empty nest world. From what I hear, that’s when the kids will come back. With their kids. And their husbands. And their dogs. And I will be crinkled up once again as I open and learn how to have grown children and grandchildren in the house.
Hmmm.....solitary confinement isn't sounding all that bad anymore.
It's day two of NaBloPoMo. Our instructions were to write a post using the words: placate, boring, solitary, crinkle and juice. The theme for the month is "In a word." HEY! It's never too late to join in! Just follow the link or click on the button below and sign up!
Well, the day has finally arrived. It's really here and I'm not excited. It's not a thrill nor is it joyful. I'd just as soon hide under a rock. Yes, the day is here that I am considering the purchase of anti-aging skin care products.
I was on the phone with Deanie just before going into school to tutor this week and, as I looked into the rear view mirror, I made the comment, "Geez, I need an eye lift." It was like Deanie had been waiting years for the opportunity to jump in on that one because she immediately came back with, "Oh, you need to try Regenerist! They have everything! It will take care of wrinkles and they even have an eye lift cream!" It doesn't get much clearer than that, does it? I suppose the girls were just waiting on their old mother to realize for herself that something needed to be done (I wonder if my spot at 'The Home' is a nice one?). Of course I began to wonder right away whether or not I had been in denial and, if so, how old do I REALLY look? I do have a standing date with Miss Clairol every few months to color the gray that WILL NOT GO AWAY. And I did notice that BIG FREAKING WHITE hair in my right eyebrow (a WHITE one? In my eyebrow? Are you KIDDING ME?!). Then there are those areas that are saggin' and baggin' and the boobs that hang down like under-filled water balloons. And where exactly DID my energy level go when it disappeared?
But wait a minute. I'm not just sitting around waiting on death to come and take me home. I am exercising every day and I have changed our diet to a much healthier one containing more veggies, whole grains, fish, less red meat, etc. I park as far away from the entrance to stores as I can get. I take the stairs over elevators. And I'm STILL over weight and I STILL need an eye lift. WTH?!
ANYWAY, once I arrive at home I decide to go ahead and check my email. And there it is. An email from Deanie. The subject? Skin Care. I guess that's better than Wrinkle care. Or Droopy face care. The body? A link to the Regenerist site. Ok. Hint taken already. I click on the link and check out the site and go through the whole find-out-what-we-recommend-for-you and discover that, for a mere $85.00, I can reverse the aging process on my face. That's ONLY 4 products. For $85.00. So, basically, for about $100/month, I can look younger. After the first 8 weeks that is. So, it's going to cost me almost $200 just to see if these products work AND, if they do, it'll cost me $100/month for however long I decide I want to look younger. Which leads me to believe that, should I actually purchase these products, I'd be buying into a great big SCAM.
Maybe I am saggy and baggy. Maybe I do need an eye lift. Maybe those dark circles are getting bigger. Maybe I am overweight. But I'm NOT an idiot. And I REFUSE to fall for this whole reverse the aging process scam. So, I clicked off the site and went back to my email to clean out the box--delete all the junk mail. Except for the one Regenerist sent me. The one containing my suggested routine. You know, just in case.
It's actually on like Wii Sports but, it IS on. Oh yes indeed. It's ON. When our daughters and BestSonInLawEVER so generously gave us the RED Wii for Christmas (follow the link for part 1 of the story), I just bet they had no idea as to the troubleextreme level of competition excessive fun that was to be unleashed. OR, maybe they did.
With the increase in testosterone in the house over New Year's weekend came a plethora of Wii challenges. Challenges in golf, tennis, baseball and BOWLING. Surprisingly-- and you may want to sit down for this if you aren't already-- all THREE remotes were working just fine. That's right. Three men in the house--Dad, Hubs, BestSonInLawEVER --and the remotes were fully and properly functional. It was the game itself, this time, that was hindering those much coveted high scores. Mind you, they all stuck together. Whenever one threw a ball in, say, bowling, and didn't get a strike, the other two utterly foolish people wonderfully funny men would say something like,
"I really thought you had it that time."
"It looked to me like that should have been a strike."
"I know. I threw it just right."
A small discussion would ensue as to the technique of the throw and the next fool fellow would step up for his turn.
It was fun, I must admit, listening to these grown men (31, 56, 75--proof positive that it spans generations) carry on so about how "the game wouldn't let that pin fall down because it really should have gone down that time." The more estrogen minded of us snickered while playing Farkle and Banana Grams. Until Sunday...when BestSonInLawEVER threw down the gauntlet on (cue the doom music) ME.
Things had been going along just fine. Dad, Hubs and BestSonInLawEVER were playing Wii Bowling (again--I think in an attempt to figure out what the problem was with the game) and the rest of us were chuckling at their stupidity...again watching the game when BestSonInLawEVER threw a horrible ball that left several pins still standing. I made a comment: "Whoa. Who threw THAT?" followed by what might be construed as a snicker of sorts.
BestSonInLawEVER: "Nobody's business is who threw that."
Dad: "Who asked that anyway?"
BestSonInLawEVER: "That was from the peanut gallery over there."
Hubs: "Yeah, that's what it sounded like." (He's really quite brave when there are witnesses around)
Me: (to self) "Oh REALLY?"
BestSonInLawEVER: "Don't stand over there commenting if you aren't willing to get in the game."
Me: "Bring it on...Dude."
Now, the following events were not pretty. At least, not if you were Dad, Hubs OR BestSonInLawEVER. While the game continued to thwart their attempts at winning the game, it had no negative effect on my score. I threw strike after strike and spare after spare. And the more strikes and spares I threw, the more unhappy the testosterone plagued competitors became. My final score was not tremendous (200) but it was quite enough and then some to beat each and every one of them....badly. Side note: While playing them in the training mode where you keep getting more pins and trying to knock as many as possible down in ten turns? My score: 667. They barely broke 400.
And so, the remainder of the early afternoon, while the winner women played Farkle and Banana Grams again (without incident, I might add), the men decided that they just needed to throw like I do and each proceeded to try. We have NEVER laughed so hard in all our lives at the way they interpreted my technique. It resembled a ballet being over exaggerated tremendously by The Three Stooges. They only difference, these guys were serious.
Our lesson on that fateful Sunday afternnoon? That's right. Do NOT throw your challenge in the direction of your excessively competitive MotherInLaw. EVER.
Excitement was mounting for the FIRST ANNUAL EMPTY NEST/CHRISTMAS OYSTER ROAST. Food preparation commenced on time. All needed items were purchased at the grocery store. The order for three bushels of oysters was put in. All was moving forward smoothly. Which should have been a huge indicator that something was about to throw a wrench in the plan. And it did. Friday morning. It was around 3:30ish a.m. that I awoke, with full awareness, that I was sick. Are you kidding me?! And this thing would not let up until late Friday night. So, I sent out a mass email that we would have to postpone the BIG FUN until New Year's Eve. Everyone was very understanding, some said it would work out better for them to have it on New Year's Eve anyway. To top it all off, the weather was not cooperating either-it poured down rain nearly the entire day.
That was all well and good. Except the kids were disappointed. So, because I did feel better, and the rain was letting up as evening approached, and we just didn't want to disappoint the kids, we let the college lovelies have a few of their closest buds over for some Christmas goodies, oysters, movies (and let me tell you that watching Love Actually or Christmas Vacation is not complete until you watch it with commentary from college students) and games. And, it was a great time! Except that we always forget one thing about entertaining the younger crowd. They last way longer than we do! However, we have learned that exhaustion is bearable when brought on by spending time with youth.
Ah, college kids. Remember those days?
The lovely on the left has been Birdie's BFF since they were 3 years old!
Put the food aside, let the games begin!
Birdie's really good friend E, DoodleBug, Birdie's BFF M
I don't know...this looks like trouble.
I just love these kids!
DoodleBug's current BoyToy being silly.
DoodleBug and friend A smiling for the camera.
Boys + oyster knives = uh oh! LOL
Steaming another batch.
The games moved outside.
Shoveling out some steamed oysters.
More games.
A shovel full of steam oysters (you won't see me eating any of these things because, to me, they look like something one coughs up, not like something good to eat.
One gift that stands out in my childhood Christmas memories as one of the best ever was the year that Santa brought me Jacques. He was the cutest, sweetest little poodle and I loved him dearly. The year was 1965. We had been to Grandmother and Granddaddy's house for Christmas Eve and were back at home--only a thirty minute drive. I had seen Santa and the reindeer flying through the sky--and it was NOT a display on someone's roof top no matter WHAT my mother says--and was in quite a rush to get into bed so he could come to our house. I don't remember whether I had trouble falling asleep or not but I do remember the sound that woke me up in the middle of the night. It was the whimper of a puppy. Thinking I was dreaming, I fell back asleep only to awaken, once again, to the same sound. I did not get excited thinking something like, "I'm getting a puppy for Christmas!" because my parents had said, "No, not this year."
Jacques and me
Christmas morning, I was up pretty early and was delighting over all the Santa joys when Dad walked in the living room with another gift. I didn't realize at first what was going on but, as soon as I did, I felt happy all the way from my head to my toes! It WAS a puppy! He was the cutest little ball of black fur and I loved him from the very first moment I saw him. At first, I couldn't decide what to name him. But my uncle suggested that, since he was a French Poodle, I should call him Jacques. And I did.
Showing off Jacques
Later in the morning, Dad's sister and her family came over--just as they always did on Christmas morning. I couldn't wait to show off my new puppy! Oh, and please check out that totally stylish leather jumper I'm sporting...Good Grief!
We had had other dogs before but Jacques was my very own. He was my best friend. We had little games we played and he would do little tricks. He loved for me to play I'm gonna get ya with him. I would slide him across the kitchen floor and he would start turning around in mid-slide trying to chase me. I would run through the house with him running behind barking. He was like a kid wanting to do this over and over again and again. Everyone loved him. He is one reason I wanted a poodle when Hubs and I thought a puppy would be a good idea to help us through our empty nest (see Step One: Get a Puppy). Tucker is half poodle and he is just as great, if not greater than Jacques was. My mom even calls our little Tucker, Jacques, all the time and, when she does get his name right she says, "Tuck-uh." She's very southern, my mother. When my brothers and I were growing up we all had different schedules. One evening, just before dinner, Mother needed to go pick up Brother T from football practice and we all went with her (an opportunity for me to drive, since I had recently acquired my driver's permit, and for brothers C and M to ride along and pretend to have heart attacks because I was in the driver's seat.). We had just set the table and put the food out but the high school was very close so we just left everything and ran out. When we came back, we had no ham on the table but we did have a very fat Jacques! He had gotten on the table and cleaned us out!
People are always wondering what happens to their pets when they pass on. I'm hoping that they are waiting for us on the other side. I'll just bet that Jacques is waiting patiently to play with Tucker and share their doggie stories of being spoiled rotten little pooches and for me to play I'm gonna get ya!
Love thoseholiday traditions of childhood as we may, they tend to change as we grow up and, when marriage and/or children become part of our lives, those traditions can really be transformed. In our family, the biggest change was simply location. We were blessed to have extended family close by and none further than 4 hours away. As our daughters grew older, it became easier for everyone to come to us--we would have had to rent a trailer to haul the six of us plus presents and 'Santa' surprises.
At the tree farm 1991
Our favorite part of the holiday season was (and still is) preparing for Christmas. The advent calendar, decorating, baking, getting the tree. Everything! We always waited until the second week of December to get our tree... until 1991. Prior to that year, we would pack the girls up and head to Hubs' family farm land where they were attempting to grow Christmas trees and either cut one down or dig it up live and replant it. But 1991 changed all of that. The FIRST tree we brought home that year was just perfect. Except that it died within five days. We undecorated it and, this time, we bought one (hurricane Hugo pretty much wiped out the tree farm and the pickins were slim). It died. WTH?! We had to buy another one. We had brought THREE trees into the house, decorated twice, undecorated once and now WE HAD TO DO IT ALL AGAIN. Way uncool. The third tree didn't last too long but we did get through Christmas. The next year, we went with an artificial tree and have used one ever since because I refuse to risk the 1991 multiple tree decorating disaster ever again! While the girls were growing up, the decorating of the Christmas tree was followed by watching the town Christmas parade--although, after the first few years, there always seemed to be at least one daughter IN the parade which meant that one of us had to walk along--that would be me.
There was, of course, the annual letter writing campaign to Santa at the North Pole (we still have every single letter--to AND from) and the making of gifts. The girls made gifts for relatives for many years including ornaments--wooden, ceramic, crab shells, corks, craft sticks, etc. But, in 1994, we made a Christmas anthology of sorts. Each daughter made up a story about Christmas, retold the birth of Jesus and 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and answered 10 questions about Christmas. These were treasured so much more than 'store bought' gifts.
Once school was out for Christmas break (actually called Winter break) the BIG fun began. The girls and I spent hours making Christmas cookies--rolling out the dough, cutting out the shapes and getting icing and sprinkles all over the house decorating them with icing and sprinkles. Next, we made the annual gingerbread house. Which, as it turns out, is NOT THAT EASY. Oh, decorating it with the candy is a cinch. It's putting the walls up and, the granddaddy of the difficulty, the roof on top. Yep. Not that easy at all. We had to call Hubs in on this part the first couple of years as he is known to us, fondly and among other alias', Mr. Fix-It (he will say that he can't fix everything, but the women in the family know differently). The next step in the cooking/baking department was the Christmas goodies for the Christmas Eve gatherings--the ham; cheese and olive balls; sausage balls; spinach balls; fudge- butterscotch and chocolate; meatballs and little smokies; Chex Mix; cheese balls; cream cheese and pepper jelly; etc. And, in the middle of the table, the girls always insisted on a birthday cake for Jesus.
There was (and still is) the writing of the annual Christmas 'newsy' letter to be included, with the Christmas photo of the girls, inside the Christmas cards. One year, we couldn't get the picture in time to be included so I mailed the letters inside the cards but NOT a picture. We have our family reunion (this is the huge side, my mother's side) every August and I had to hear about them not getting a Christmas picture from December until the reunion in August. That Christmas, I sent them TWO pictures, one from the year before AND the one for that year. If you send something like this to your relatives, please don't ever NOT send one. You'll pay dearly for it!
Christmas pajamas 1991
Christmas Eve, especially when we hosted the gathering, was very similar to the ones when I was growing up--the family gathered, the food was nearly identical, and the excitement was abundant. The girls wore coordinating outfits handmade each year by Mimi (my mother) up until they developed their own, individual styles. Even then, they coordinated colors most of the time. We generally started out with Hubs' family for the opening of gifts followed by the Christmas Eve service at church (which changed to the midnight service as the girls got older). The night continued with the gathering of my side of the family where the girls were allowed to open another present--the Christmas pajamas that Mimi (my mother) gave them every year--she still does this! All of the evening's festivities were topped off with a good reading of Clement C. Moore's 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS and the perfect placement of the milk and cookies. Finally, it was time to await the arrival of Santa and, to this day (and this includes BestSonInLawEver) they all sleep in the same room.
Christmas morning 1996
Christmas morning was a hullabaloo of brightly colored wrapping paper all over the place everyone talking all at the same time and the shrills of delight that only children have the ability to project at Christmas, or any other time for that matter! The sounds of laughter and toys filled the morning and stopped only for a moment while we ate Christmas dinner--traditionally like Thanksgiving until 1993 when we traded in the turkey for prime rib. Now, I prepare a Christmas brunch instead for any and everyone who wants to join us. Changes in our family do not usually go over well but everyone seems to enjoy Christmas brunch.
After the college feeding freenzy
And now? Now we have an empty nest and the first year of one daughter not being here for Christmas. Breezy and BestSonInLawEVER will be at their home but will join us for New Year's Eve. We have added the FIRST ANNUAL EMPTY NEST CHRISTMAS OYSTER ROAST to the festivities. Everything else should pretty much remain close to the tradition--including those handmade gifts (which we are all making for one another this year). It will be an adjustment, just as Thanksgivingwas without Deanie (DD2), not having all our daughters with us. And, the married lovelies are going to miss out on their Christmas Eve pajamas! But, this is what happens when you successfully raise your kids to go out and make lives for themselves. We have discovered that, sometimes, you can pick up an extra kid or two when your college daughters bring some of their friends over to help decorate--in exchange for a free feeding frenzy home cooked meal.
It's going to be a grand Christmas this year with family and friends. I'm sure of it! And, with the decorating almost complete, I can see that the Christmas spirit is beginning to overflow because Hubs has been in the middle of everything singing Christmas songs and quoting Christmas movies (and he does it in such an obnoxious manner--no matter, it's the holiday season!). Yep, it's gonna be a grand Christmas!
I'm linking up with Follow Friday 40 and Over this week at Java's Never Growing Old!
Being a transplant to the low-country of SC for 31 years is still not long enough to be called a ‘benyeh.’ If I stay until I’m dead I’ll probably go a ‘comeyeh’ since I am, originally, ‘from off’ (which is the upstate but, rules you know). By day I take care of my sweet little granddaughter, Baby M and do all those things I did when I was a SAHM raising four daughters which has translated to, ‘by day, I am exhausted.’ By night I blog, blog, blog, and blog some more or I sleep, depending on my level of exhaustion (do they still make Geritol?). I have a very unhealthy addiction to sweets (nearly any kind will do) and all comfort foods not covered under the ‘sweets’ category. I’m known for speaking my mind so, if you don’t want to know, don’t ask me. I love to find the humor in my empty nest life. I live life hard and smack into that brick wall almost daily because I’ve always had to learn the hard way. Why change now? I’m so glad you’ve come to laugh with me as I do this middle age, empty nest thing like a BOSS!
